david moved out on wednesday.
it's kinda weird with him not being at home anymore. i'm used to all the noise, and it's been quiet. it'll be even stranger once matthew leaves for college.. then it'll be just me and my parents.

...

oy. which means i probably should start looking to make more money so i can pay for an apartment. don't get me wrong, i love my parents.. but just me and them? eek.. i dunno about that.

today's been a long, long day...
it started at 5:30 this morning-i pulled myself outta bed and got myself to court to pay a traffic fine. got there at 6:30 and i was the first in line. probably a good thing, since the line was really long by the time they started actually letting people in. so basically i waited in line for two hours to be $370 poorer and now hafta go to traffic school.. but at least i finished two chapters of the lord of the rings while i was waiting to get let in.

oh! if things go as i want them to, i think i can get a rear bumper cover.. right color, right model, right year.. for $90. i've already put it on reserve-it's in a salvage yard in hayward. the tough part is just finding a good time to go in and look at it before i actually purchase it since they're only open during normal business hours. but tracy already said that she or her brother can probably put it on for me.. so it's only a matter of getting the right part. i even had one of my bank customers look at it, and he said that a bumper cover would prolly do it.

hoping.. hoping...

omigoodness.
i just can't believe people sometimes! i was driving back from redwood city-stop and go traffic on 880, right? anyway.. this.. GRRR.. GUY rear ends my car and drives off! so here i am, stuck with a $1000 deductible and a big crack in my rear bumper.

okay.. now i know that what comes around goes around so it's gonna come back to him in one form or another. BUT.. why does it hafta be my car??? right now i'm just wishing that people out there could just be accountable for their actions.. just take responsibility and don't dodge it.

...

anyway.. at least i have a noticable marker on my car so i won't lose it in the parking lot from now on.

check this out:
it's the view outside my window while i'm in redwood city.

got it!
during the division meeting this afternoon, i got the more hours! susan gave pat and me the ok so prospects look good. on the other hand, the city budget's kinda iffy right now so i don't know if they can make me full-time. i'm hoping, because after all those medical bills that i've been paying, i really would love to have benefits. also.. higher pay wouldn't hurt.. but that's another story.

oh.. and guess what i did today? i left the lights on my car on.. AGAIN. thankfully this time i didn't see anyone i worked with for the little time that i was stranded.. agh.. it'd be too embarrassing.. especially with this being the THIRD time around. i found a random stranger to jump start with yet again.. you know one nice thing about redwood city is that it's full of nice people who'll let me jump start with their cars... hey! but i AM learning. i didn't lock myself out of the car this time. thank god.

today was the last day for the semester for aiwa too. i'm gonna continue doing it into the next year too. i like working with the women-it's hard.. but it's good for me, because i'm just so shy by nature and this sorta thing pulls me out of my shell.

guess what?
i asked! and pat seems receptive. so.. i guess from here on out, we'll see what happens. but i'm hoping for the best.

keep your fingers crossed for me.

things that i'd like to learn which would be awesome:
1) skateboard. i've been meaning to learn for the longest time.. i even have a board. i just need a boarding buddy.

2) play the guitar.

3) drive stick. just for the heck of it. also if i'm ever called up to drive stick for an emergency, i'll be ready.

yesterday i went shopping.
i went to walgreens, safeway, and long's. i spent over four hours and guess what i bought? over 50 bucks worth of christmas presents and three cards that i don't yet have the occasion to use.

aish.. someone please keep me away from drugstores and supermarkets.

via www.danheller.com

lately, i've just been wanting to go on a drive.
it doesn't really matter where the destination is.. you know sometimes you just hafta enjoy the ride 'cause getting there's most of the fun anyway. but yeah.. i haven't been able to.. for lack of time and driving companions.

...

eep.. i guess it's a sign that i'm getting old. *sigh*.. yeah, something like that.

i'm veering from my initial resolve.
remember how i was saying before that i've decided upon something with some certainty and that i'm just gonna go and do it? well.. umm.. just kidding.

the "something" that i've been thinking about is nursing. one thing that just really draws me in is that i have this huge desire to just help people and this seems to be the most basic, most rudimentary way i can do it. but then, i'm scared.. really scared of veering off the course that i've been aiming myself towards after all this time. also, although i like the idea of nursing, who's to say i'll like the real thing any more than what i'm doing already at redwood city?

so.. i guess it's a big "we'll see" for me again. hopefully i'll start volunteering at a local hospital soon. i've already called to express interest so i guess i'll just see where this all leads me.. no worries.

in other news, i got a traffic ticket for running a red light. yay me! and just in time for the holiday season. it's putting a pinch on my budget, because now every time i spend money i feel guilty since i know i'll eventually have to pay for that ticket. grrr... oh well. i actually tried to go to court today during my lunch break.. omigosh .. the line was AT LEAST 50 people long!! i asked the people at the front of the line how long they had been waiting.. and they had been waiting for THREE HOURS.. shoot, having to wait in line that long is enough punishment!

aiya... fun stuff going on. lovely, just lovely.

i have found my achilles heel.
and it's furry and cute. as i found out last night, i'm severely allergic to BUNNIES. nessie adopted a bunny on sunday, so i went over to her place to visit-soon after, i started getting sniffly and my eyes started itching so i decided it was time to stay away from the bunny. then, my eyes started puffing up and my lips started to swell.. not a pretty sight.

nessie and her dad ended up driving me home, since they didn't think i was okay to drive back. when i got home, the first thing matthew said was, "wow amy, that's interesting. let me see." i was hoping that the puffiness would go away after a good night's sleep-and thankfully my lips aren't swollen anymore. but my eyes are still puffy and i look like i've been crying all night.

ugh. i don't care how cute they are, from now on i'm steering clear of bunnies.

hey jo, remember these? =D

i realize something about myself.
i have this really, really big tendancy to do things in a very half-assed manner. i'm horrible at being decisive-simply cannot do it. but i think if i want to be happy.. really happy.. i need to start making some decisions once and for all. making half-assed decisions only makes me second guess things all of the time.

...

i do a lot of that-second guessing.

i don't know what i should do with myself and i have a decision to make. there's no way i can be guaranteed happiness but then, i have this feeling that if i don't at least try for it, i'll always wonder what would've happened. and you know it's those "what if's" that always kill me.

hum. i think things may be moving quickly soon.
i was talking to joanna and nessie about career choices last night and i feel pretty certain this time about what direction i should be headed. i'm a little scared-my interests seem to change a lot and i don't want this one to just be the new flavor of the week. also, this seems to be a complete u-turn from the direction that i've been headed for the past five years or so. but i've been thinking about it for the past month, and the more i think about it, the more viable it becomes.

but i'm probably going back to school soon. i want to finish up my education and finish it up quick, i've already wasted a lot of time...

i don't want to write what i'm thinking about for now-it'd be kind of embarassing for me to say that i'm certain and then not have it come to pass, right?

i'll write more when things are more certain.. i promise.

aiya.. wuss.
remember how i said that i was thinking of asking pat for more hours?

...

it hasn't happened yet. last week, pat was out sick the entire time, so i missed my opportunity. this week i don't know.. i just couldn't find the perfect moment. i.. i really want to ask, but i'm such a wuss when it comes to things like this... pat says that she has another project lined up for me, apparently there's some litigation going on and she needs help sorting through and copying documents.. she says that she might need to bring in some extra help, but maybe if i just told her that i want more hours?? i should, i know i should.. i will, i really will this time.

today was a scary teaching day.
sung had a teacher training session at the same time as the class.. so it was me.. JUST ME.. teaching the class. it was very intimidating and scary. i was really anxious when i got the email from julie telling me that i'd be teaching the class alone.

but you know what? it was fine. and all the worry turned out to be for nothing. yes, it was a little difficult to teach the class without a korean translator, but i think it ended up okay.

no worries for next time.

today, marines all over the world are celebrating my birthday.
umm.. just kidding.

they're actually celebrating the founding of the marines corps on november 10, 1775. but hey, they could be celebrating my birthday too...

i had a horrible dream last night.
and now i'm awake. it felt so real and i'm glad it was just a dream, but now i just can't go back to sleep since i'm just thinking.

...

i hate dreams like that.

i hate waking up in the winter time.
when i wake up it's just so cold, i wish i could stay curled up in bed. instead i need to wake up and drag myself to the shower. lately, i've taken to wearing a blanket around the house.. i think i look kinda funny.. but at least i'm warm. the weather's ruined my running regime too.. agh.. it's so hard to stay motivated when it's cold like this.

i've been thinking of looking for a new job lately too. thinking, but not actually looking. i know, it's bad. i still have no idea what i want be.. i can see myself doing things, and doing okay.. but.. i want to be better than just okay...

hmm.. i still have a lotta things to figure out.

after all the craziness of last week..
.. it's hard to settle back into the normal work week. today (or rather, yesterday), pat called in sick and so i basically had nothing to do the entire time i was in city hall. six hours of doing absolutely nothing.. i ended up leaving early since it was just too much nothingness to handle. honestly, i don't like the feeling of doing absolutely nothing. especially at work.. it just bugs the hell outta me. also, pat calling in sick put and stop to my plan of asking about more hours today (yesterday).. dammit.. i really, really hope she's there tomorrow (today) since i want to ask while the groundbreaking ceremony is still fresh in everyone's minds.

i'll just see how tomorrow (today) goes.

dang, and you know another thing i don't like? when yesterday still feels like today.

....

okay sorry, that doesn't make much sense. probably past my bedtime. good night.

rainy season.
i was driving back from davis the other night, and the rain was pouring down so hard that i could hardly see out of the window. it's kinda crazy that the weather's changed so drastically. just last week i was wearing a sleeveless shirt and complaining about getting a sunburn. funny.

oh! suzanne remembered my birthday, and mailed me a package all the way from japan. and despite several handwritten warnings on the package telling me not to open it until my birthday.. well, people who know me know that you should NEVER give me a package beforehand if you actually don't want me to open it...

...

so.. hum.. it's open and guess what she gave me? the BEST candy in the world and hairties.. yay! what can i say, i'm very easy to please.

i think i just screwed up my sleeping schedule.
i went to sleep at 8 last night since i was exhausted.. and look at me now, i'm up at 2 in the morning. great. it's funny how i'm now kinda wired to sleep 6 hours.. work does that to you.

check this image out.. it's pretty neat:

here's some press from the groundbreaking.
it's kinda funny having an insider's perspective on this project. it reminds me to always take the media with a grain of salt. anyway, check it out.. the fruits of my labor:

San Francisco Examiner

San Mateo County Times

you know, it sounds horrible.. but i really like the feeling of empowerment that i got from planning this whole thing. it's nice to see this thing get off of the ground and know that you were a big part of making it happen.

heh.. power.. POWER.

...

just kidding.. maybe.

tired, tired...
after yesterday, i think i have a right to be tired this time. i ended up getting home around 8ish yesterday after finally getting my car jumpstarted with the roadside assistance people. and there were a couple of lessons learned:

1) don't wear boots when you know that you'll be walking a lot.. my feet are hurting really badly this morning.

2) don't always rely on the kindness of strangers. the random guy who initially tried to help me jumpstart my car was kinda creepy. after a while, it was like, "go away. leave me alone, i can call roadside assistance. no i don't need a ride. no i don't need a place to stay." i was so relieved when pat came out of city hall and stayed with me because he left soon after that.

3) i have really nice coworkers. almost everyone that i explained my situation to offered me a ride somewhere even though for most, it was really out of their way. blake even offered to drive me back to fremont if i needed it (even though he lives in burlingame).

4) and the most important lesson of all.. DON'T LEAVE THE LIGHTS ON!

home sweet home...
i made it back home okay. i'll post more later, but for now.. enjoy some pretty pictures:

SO! good news and bad news.
good news.. the groundbreaking ceremony went off great. the tent, chairs and food were all set up and it was awesome. i've gotten a lot of positive feedback, and the general consensus seems to be that it went off without a hitch. i'm really happy with the way everything went and i'm kinda, sorta, maybe a little proud of myself.

bad news.. following my tradition of having bad luck and just being stupid with cars (eg having my battery die and then locking myself out of my car after jumpstarting my car.. TWICE! and running out of gas parked next to a gas station).. i've killed my car battery again. in my rush to get started with the groundbreaking ceremony this morning, i forgot to turn off the lights. i tried to jumpstart it, but the engine is making this awful clicking noise which is scaring the crap outta me. i'm just hoping that i didn't kill my car once and for all after all the abuse that i've put it through.

right now i'm hanging out in city hall waiting for roadside assistance to arrive. anyway, i should go back out there.. i don't want them to get there and for me not to be there. but with my luck, they probably already came and left.

it's tomorrow.
i'm nervous about the groundbreaking ceremony. last week we had these really strong winds.. i have these horrible visions of the big white tent flapping in the wind before falling over the guests while gusts of wind blow in clouds of dust from the construction site. please no wind.. please.

i'm planning to be on site at 6:30 in the morning, since the tent is going up at 7:00 and i need to be there. there's just so many things that can go wrong, and i'm so scared that there're loose ends that still have to be tied up.

...

eek. anyway, i'm wishing, hoping and praying that everything will go on without a problem tomorrow. cross your fingers and toes for me.

*yawn*
no more daylight savings. i'm already tired most of the time because of my old lady sleeping habits (exhausted by 9:00, asleep by 10:00). so this just ends up throwing me even further off since the days seem to get dark so early. yesterday, i found myself practically falling asleep around 7ish.

a nap sounds like a good idea right now...

i can feel the seasons changing.
the days are shorter and there's been a chill in the night air. i love this time of year, the skies are clear and the air feels cleaner. although i'm anti-being-cold, i like cold weather.. does that make sense?

...

okay! maybe i should just stop rambling before i start making no sense at all.

this is so cool.
i'm stealing from pearl's site again. but.. but.. it's just so NEAT!

happy.
yesterday, i came back from volunteering and i was so stoked. it wasn't much, we just spent the entire hour and a half talking about good eating habits and health issues (told you that i'm like an old lady). but it feels really, really good because i feel like i'm slowly getting to know these women as i become more comfortable around them and vice versa. it's a little thing, but it's usually the little things that make me the happiest and yesterday was a real joy for me.

i've also been planning this groundbreaking ceremony for redwood city. i've been busy, working non-stop on making sure all the loose ends are tied up and that everything's been thought out. it's going down next week.. and i'm nervousexcited about it. i hope it goes off okay, if it does.. i'm thinking of asking pat for more hours and MAYBE a full time position??? i'm scared as hell and people out there who know me know that i'm a complete wuss, so we'll see how that works out.

grrr...

i've decided that grad school is in my imminent future.
so i'm starting to study again. the question for me now is what i want to study.. i guess that's always been the question. the thing is, it's just so difficult to distill everything that i'm interested in into one career that i'll do for the rest of my life...

THE REST OF MY LIFE.. gya, scary thought...

the honest truth is that i can see myself doing okay in a bizillion different things. but i don't want to just be OKAY.. i'm greedy and i want more than just that. i don't want to settle for something just because it works.

...


life's too short to not be happy and hopeful.

check out this link and look at this picture:



... that's one funky lookin' frog.

it's been about two months now.
i've been volunteering at aiwa, teaching english once a week to korean immigrant women. and although i'm still traumatized by my first grade teacher (mrs. binkley.. grrr) and the FROG INCIDENT, i now have so much more respect for teachers.

i still have a lot to learn about teaching. the times which are the hardest for me are after i've explained something and then ask if there are any questions. the silence that usually follows absolutely kills me. each second feels like an hour as i look over the students expectantly and they look down, avoiding eye contact.

...

eee.. it's very, very hard.

but one nice thing is that i'm really starting to enjoy getting to know the women that i'm teaching. they're all older ladies, and although there's still the language barrier i want so much to know them better. it's hard.. but i'll stick it out for now. i think i'll be okay.

oui, je parle francais.
at least a little bit. the other day, i was working at the bank and a chinese lady came up to hardip's window. she apparently spoke little or no english so her daughter was serving as a translator, but her daughter was having problems explaining.

so i go up to her and tell her that i understand chinese, and then she goes off in chinese trying to explain her problem. problem is.. i understand VERY LITTLE chinese. most of my chinese experience is limited to what my mom tells me to do (i.e. wash dishes, clean my room), so explaining banking situations is way above my level.

i tell her that i'm not following her situation, and out of frustration, she says in english, "i only speak chinese and french!"

i think she was really suprised when i replied with, "tu parles francais?" so we ended up communicating in this french-chinese-english thing. very odd, but at least i figured out a way to explain things to her. it turns out that she lived in paris for a couple of years before, and then evenutally moved to the states. i'm always fascinated when i meet chinese people from different places.. but maybe to chinese-french, i'm the oddball.

see, i knew that seven years of french would come in handy one day.

oh my.
i've been feeling like an old lady lately. i've been falling asleep around 11ish lately.. aiyo.. what a sad development. i remember the days when 1 am was still early.

which reminds me.. it's way past 11--past my bedtime. goodnite.

i'm discovering that i really, really like photography.
i think i want to take more classes.. or maybe join a photo club.. do those exist? case in point:



and



lovely.

grrrrr...
today at the bank i had the WORST customer ever come up to me. she comes up to me and instantly demands to see the branch manager who happened to be out at a meeting. keep in mind that i had no idea what her situation was and that she just walked up to me and just started going off about stop payments and checks that were being returned.

then she starts getting angry as she shows me a LIST OF DEMANDS that she wants as retribution from the bank. i try to explain to her that i'm just a teller and that i can't actually do anything to resolve this issue and if she just waited for a bit, she could speak to my manager.

she instantly jumps on this and writes it down saying, "so AMY says that the bank will not help me." omigosh.. you have no idea how bad i wanted to hit her at that point. she glared at me.. and dood.. i just glared right back.. what a.. grrrr! i tell her that that's not what i said and then i tell her that i'll take care of any teller transactions that she wanted to do.

the best part was when i called her by her name, i called her missus and then she corrected me saying, "it's DOCTOR." i just didn't say a word and did my thing.. but you know what? she can take that title and just shove it up her butt.

i don't know about what other people think about me, personally i think i'm a generally nice person.. but gawd, i NEVER want to ever help that woman again. i don't care if she closes her accounts, frankly i don't WANT her type of person walking into my bank anyway.

grrr.. just makes me mad thinking about it...

repost! (originally posted on my xanga site)
omigosh, i NEED to write this.

my mommy was doing a search on wildcats--she saw some cat-like animals in the backyard the other day and was wondering about them. anyway, i'm doing my thing at the other computer and i hear, "aiya amy how do i get out of this??"

apparently, her search for wildcats lead her wildcats of a different nature--to a PORNO SITE.. MY MOM.. PORNO...

...

she kept trying to close the windows too, and they just kept opening new windows.. with some lovely young women on them... omigosh, the look on her face.. haha.. i know it's horrible but i'm still laughing.

what a good graphic designer can do for a woman.
..ok, i don't feel so bad anymore.

[via pearl]

i love penguins.

in other news...
my little brother's first day of college is tomorrow.

gee.. i feel old now. i envy the boy though. you really don't know how lucky you are to have something until it's gone. ha.. i guess that's what grad school is for.

i just got back from canada.
i had all this drama with getting time off with the bank, namely.. i asked for the wrong days off and i only figured that out two days before i was supposed to leave. ahh.. go me. but i got the time off after a bit of craziness and got to go to canada. things the same as usual in canada.. same restaurants, same places, etc.. but it's nice to see family.. especially when we only go there about once a year.

now since me and matthew are back, we have a challenge ahead of us: my parents are gone for an alaskan cruise for about a week.. and.. DA-DUM.. we have to cook. well, i guess it's about time to bring back the ramen. woohoo, sounds like good times to me...

distractions.
it's hard to concentrate right now.. i have so much on my mind that it's driving me mad. but right now, all i want to focus on is doing things that mean something to me and that make me happy.

isn't that all a girl can ask for from life?

i'm trying to write a cover letter right now.
and you know what i've realized?

i HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE writing cover letters.

wow.
what an absolutely awesome photo.

something to be thankful for...
i have good friends. thanks guys.

strange days...
this morning, i woke up to claps of thunder. a couple of moments later, it started pouring. although it rained only for a few moments, the sky still has this murky haze.

earthquake weather?

law school, maybe?
i'm trying to think of what i want to do with myself and i'm starting to lean towards law. i don't think i could EVER do lawyer-law.. not the court stuff--judges scare me. but more like, legal studies and policy analysis.. non-profits, maybe? all i know is that i want to be in some kind of field where i can help people in need. back when i was at csuh i was thinking of doing this sort of thing (social service) but i changed my mind once i got to ucla. heh.. kinda funny now that it seems i'm just back where i started.

so i guess it's back to the books. more standardized tests.. lsats.. dammit.

this is sea ranch:



so is this:



see why i miss it?

oh another thing.
i found out that people actually read this thing. whoa.. weird...

have you ever had a dream that you wished was real?
i had one of those the other night. it felt so real, so tangible.. i could remember distinct little things. i wished it could've gone on, and on...

but i woke up..

the clock read 3:00 am and i realized that i had been dreaming the entire time. sometimes.. i wish.. i wish...

but. i guess not.

times of refreshing.
fourth of july was a nice little retreat, but now it seems that i'm back to the same old, same old. i'm back to being exhausted and tired all over again.

give me a star-filled sky and the sound of the ocean.. *sigh*, yeah that sounds nice.

oy yoy!
they changed blogger, and blogger looks weird.. WEIRD.

.. fourth of july weekend ended up pretty good. jennifer invited us up to her home in sea ranch, a little town just south of medicino on highway one. it was beautiful--coastal views, fresh air and a wonderful starry sky in the evening. it was a welcome retreat, and it reminded me of just how much i love the ocean. watching the waves go in and out, the feel of wet sand, the sound of ocean.. i missed it and didn't even realize it.

i think i told jo once that even though the beaches in southern california are more fun to swim in, the beaches in northern california are more beautiful. and they are, there's just something about it...

pretty wonderful. heh.

i want to go back.

i had a dream about work the other night.
it's still kind of creepy to me. it was weird, all of my supervisors were there, and i was dreaming about economic development and visiting cathedral city, where one of my supervisors had worked on a redevelopment project. lately, i've been dreaming about work a lot. a while ago, i had a dream about running transactions at the bank. i was helping one customer but kept counting the money out wrong. you know how in dreams sometimes things go in slow motion? it was like that except with money counting...

all of this tells me one thing: i work way too much.

all that pomp and circumstance.
i can't believe it. this year, i'm attending commencement as an alumni. it's hard for me to think of myself of as a grad, but here i am. i guess this officially marks my one year anniversary as alumni. so i'm driving down to ucla tonight. i'm doing a very college-esque thing: i'm planning to drive through the dead of the night and arrive in los angeles in the wee hours of the morning. hey it works, and i don't have to deal with traffic this way, thank goodness. anyway, there's something calming about driving in the middle of the night when no one else is around. huh, maybe i should've been a truck driver. i'm in the wrong profession, dammit!

feeling antsy.
i'm trying to make myself go to sleep. i need to go to work tomorrow, and i'm very conscious of the fact that tomorrow morning, i need to drag myself out of the bed at 6 am, but for some reason, i just can't sleep. so here i am, typing away and hoping that this will somehow make me want to go to sleep. but i seriously doubt it. things have been halfway hectic lately. i say halfway because i don't seem to have a lot of time lately, but and the same time, i can't recall doing anything significant. so most likely i'm just spending my time doing a lot of nothing. but hey, that's nothing new for me.

part of the reason may be my jobs. i've been spending a lot of time at work but i really don't feel like i'm making much of a difference. at redwood city, i get paid to sit in front of a computer screen all day. and at the bank, i do help people but at the same time, they're not people who need my help. with each job i get, i'm refining more and more what my actual career interests are. but the problem is that even with the jobs that i've held, it's still not enough for me to actually figure out what i want since my interests are still so wide and inconsistent.

i really just need to buckle down and start job hunting again. but i'm lazy, and it's hard to make yourself look when you already have a paycheck coming in...

sick(ish).
so happily i'm not sick-sick anymore. this past week, i've been battling a cough that will not go away, and earlier in the week i was running a high fever. now i'm just stuck with the congestion and that cough that still won't go away. i have anti-biotics though.. yay! it's still taxing to work through sickness. i don't like it. all the times when i'd rather be lying in bed trying to get better, i'm on my feet running around the bank in circles. but i don't have much of a choice, after taking so much time off from before to go to dc and new orleans, i'd rather not call in sick now. it just seems like asking for too much.

all day today, i haven't felt like being at work. it's just draining. it's unrealistic to believe that there's some "dream job" out there for me. but at the same time, there has to be something more out there than this.

whew, i just got back.
i've been going from vacation to vacation and i feel kinda drained. its been fun, but at the same time it's exhausting flying back and forth and walking around everywhere to see the sights. new orleans was plenty of fun.. lots of good eating (gumbo and jumbalaya, YUM!) and lots of things to see. the streets are beautiful, when i first arrived i was in complete awe of the tiny little streets, lace balconies and gas lamps--i felt like i had stepped into a storybook.

bourbon street was also surreal. a 24-hour party--those people never take a break! you could buy a daquiri for breakfast, if you'd like. and the beads.. yes, i got my share, but none of that "girls gone wild" stuff.. nuh uh. also going to the south, i realize that asians are really a minority.. that's really something you take for granted, living in california where every other person is asian. everyone was friendly though, it was always, "how're y'all doin'?" or "where're y'all from?".. always with the "y'all".. heh.

whew.. but that's enough vacationing for me, i think. i'm ready to take a vacation from vacationing.

dammit, i want a mac.
in particular.. i want these penguin icons. wah!

i was thinking of mr. eaton today.
mr. eaton is one of my customers at the bank. when i first met him, his wife was sick and the doctors had told him that there wasn't much more that they could do for her. so he had taken her home to make her more comfortable in her last days. when she eventually passed on, mr. eaton would come into the bank and break down while chatting with the tellers. mr. eaton took to wearing aviator sunglasses--so no one could see him cry. six months later, he's doing better.. but he choked up when he mentioned that what would've been his anniversary is coming up.

it makes me wonder. would someone love me enough to cry over me like that? i'm uncertain of myself more often than not and i honestly don't know. but it would be a sad existance if no one cried for you when you were gone.

...

yeah.

yummy.

the internet made me cry!
oh my, this is so touching (3.8 MB .asf video).

i'm taking this cooking class with anny.
a chinese cooking class. yesterday we learned how to cook fried rice, chow mein and tofu. not bad, eh? hopefully by the end of the class i'll be a cooking pro.. HA. i'm keeping my fingers crossed on that one, but until then it's ramen forever.

yum.

tired.
i just got back from washington dc tonight. good times, good friends and good eating--a great trip. the weather was gorgeous, except for the one day when it rained.. but every other day was 80 degrees and sunny. the museums were fun and the monuments were beautiful.. but the best part was that most everything was free!

now i'm trying to regroup and get ready for work tomorrow. on top of that, i'm leaving for ANOTHER vacation to new orleans just a week and a half from now. kinda crazy, i know.

oy, time to sleep.. good night.

how does bad turn into worse?
so i go out to my car for lunch today. and i find out that i left my lights on, so my car battery's dead and it won't start. so i flagged down a guy, who's nice enough to let me jump start my car with his. i put my car in neutral and backed out my car a little bit, just so we could get the cars connected. anyway, the car gets started and i'm really happy. UNTIL i find out that i had closed my car door and the doors are locked. you see, my car has a "wonderful" feature--once the car gets started, the doors automatically lock. ah, the joys of automation.

anyway, so my car's still running, halfway sticking out of the parking space and the doors are locked. so i call roadside assistance and a tow truck comes by to save me. the first thing he says to me is, "i have one question: how did this.. nah, nevermind."

and you know what the funniest part is? this is the second time that this has happened to me.

ugh.

i'm going to dc tomorrow.
i still haven't done any packing, preparing or anything. after all the drama that's gone on with me and travelling, it's not something i go crazy over anymore i guess. anyway, i want to get a scanner. i just updated my photos page (it looks a lot better!) it makes me sentimental when i look at all of those old pictures again. i've taken so many pictures since but i can't add any new pictures since my dad got rid of the old scanner/printer we used to have. wah! somebody.. buy me a scanner!

oh by the way...
something exciting: i got a credit card! after years of being "anti-credit" i finally got one! heh, and with a $5000 credit limit too! woohoo! time for a shopping spree baaaaaaaby..!!

um. or not.

time to paaaaaar-tay!
my parents are away.. they're going away to las vegas until thursday or so. one thing is that it's QUIET when my parents aren't around. when they're here, there's so much constant noise in the house.. with my mom's constant nagging and the tv which is almost on all times of the day thanks to my dad.

i'm not the type of person to do crazy things while my parents are gone. anyhoo, it's not like i'm going to be around to enjoy the freedom of being without my parents, i'm going off to washington dc on wednesday night on a red eye flight. hehe, looking forward to that actually, i think it's gonna be gorgeous in dc.. or so i hope! i heard that they have this row of cherry blossom trees near the washington memorial and it's around the season. it's definitely not japan, but i think it'll be pretty great just the same.

happy bunnyegg day.
it's easter today. guess what? i went to church! after my mom's unending lectures about how i should go to church to meet a "nice boy" i finally went. maybe it's just a sense of obligation.. it's easter, after all... so i went today, and i nearly fell asleep during the service. went to church for the first time in about three months, and nearly fell asleep during the service, greeeeeeeat...

maybe i should pray more.

agh!
my ears are burning.

oh! i didn't mention..
the other day, just last week my bank got robbed. somebody went up to tracy (who happens to work at the window right next to me), handed her a note asking for all of her money, took the money and then walked out. i was on my break when it happened, so within the span of 15 minutes, the robber came and left and once i started coming downstairs from my break, the police were already there and securing the area. tracy was pretty shaken, but she took it really well, i think. we closed for the rest of the day, and passed time talking and speculating about what happened while the police around us took fingerprints and examined the area. afterward, we went out for drinks.. to make tracy feel a little more normal-ish, you know?

i just thought it was really odd--really random. i hope this isn't an everyday occurance from now on. even though the guy didn't whip out a gun or anything like that, it's still pretty nerve wracking and it puts us all on edge.

anyway, just thought i'd share.

tired.
my.feet.hurt.. my.head.aches.. i'm.so.freaking tired.. welcome to the working world. have i ever mentioned just how little of a life i feel like i've had since i've started working? today i "did lunch" (haha.. sounds funny, even to me) with nessie. it was wonderful, it was great.. and it made me realize just how little socialization i've done out of work lately. sure, it pays the bills and makes me money.. and goodness knows that i need more of that. but really, i don't feel "satisfied" with what i'm doing, you know?

it's hard not being in school. i like having a set path of course requirements and having graduation as a goal. but what am i working towards now? retirement??? jeez, that is just too sad. i see a lot of that, working at the bank. older people coming in, asking whether their social security or interest payment's come in. i don't want to live like that.. i really don't. i want a job that will satisfy me emotionally, where i lose track of time doing something i love, and where i can be happy feeling that i made a difference and did something that i felt was important. i don't want to be another cog in the machine.. please don't let me become another cog in the machine...

there was a documentary on the history channel the other day.
it was on pablo escobar in the 80s and early 90s. the type of things he did were absolutely crazy. things like killing all the supreme court justices and assasinating three out of five of the presidential canidates. just the thought of one man having such leverage against an entire government like that is almost impossible to comprehend. i know that in this day and age, similar things still occur in other nations, but in our sterilized lives here in the united states, we hardly hear about it.

maybe it's just because i'm not very well informed, or it could just be that i'm showing my age.. when this all happened, i was only in sixth grade. i doubt that drug cartels were high on my priority list back then.

crazy stuff. i'm sure we could garner a lot of lessons from history, but that never happens, so whatever.

i was writing an email to xu lan today.
i was telling her what i heard from jo. apparently just a little while ago, a whole new batch of kyoto university students came to visit ucla. dante, jo and some other former ucla/tide students showed them around while they were visiting. but i thought it was funny--a whole new group of kyoto and ucla students.. it's almost like a parallel universe where history is repeating itself. it's now been one year since we went to japan and it feels so distant. all i have to remind myself that it really happened is my photos (lots and lots of 'em) and emails that i get from xu lan.

one year--even in my head it doesn't sound like a long time. but i guess it's not really the time which matters, but everything that has happened in between now and one year ago. since last year, i've officially ended my career as an undergrad and entered the workforce. and now that i'm officially part of the working world, i can honestly say that i miss being a student. the grass is always greener, huh?

the sakura are blooming in kyoto now, i'm sure. it would be nice to go back one day.. but not yet.

i need a scanner.
i'm looking over jo's page right now. she has all these great pictures, and i feel like stealing some of them to put them on my own page. most of my pics are really, really out of date since i have no way of getting new ones online since we got rid of our old printer/scanner.

so no new pictures for now.. sorrie, sorrie.. i know you're dying to see new pics of me. *muah!*

i'm reading right now.
yes, i'm actually reading a book. wonders never cease. i've said repeatedly that the internet has ruined my capacity to read things over one page, but amazingly, i'm reading a book. it's by diane johnson and called le divorce. i remember my high school french teacher mentioning it in class eons ago and us having a discussion about it in second period french six. i saw it at half-price books while my little brother was shopping for a philosophy book (i know, he's an odd boy) for someone's birthday. i figured i might as well buy it since i already know my tendancy to get late fines when i borrow books from the library. it's really good.

one thing that i find amusing is the way they portray american ex-pats. i always find it funny, the way americans want to escape america. every year, there are hundreds of immigrants trying to get into america, while the people who are actually born here are desparately trying to distance themselves from being american. i don't know. an american.. there's no actual definition of our culture, after all we are just a cultural mix-up after all. and me, i'm just part of that mixed up culture. maybe that's not an entirely good thing. i still have memories of xu lan giggling at my attempts in mandarin when i visited kyoto last year. but even so, i'm happy with who i am..

lately i've had a new obsession:
dental hygine. don't laugh, it's true. it mostly has to do with the fact since i'm now "independent" from my parents, i'm no longer covered by their insurance (wah!). so i have this gnawing fear that while i'm uninsured, my teeth are going to get huge, gaping cavities and eventually i'll be forced to wear dentures at the tender age of 25. oy! what a horrible thought!

so for about a month i've adhered to my nightly tooth cleaning ritual: i brush, then i floss, and then i brush again.. just to make sure i get everything that i didn't get the first time around. the one time that i was too tired to clean my teeth, i actually had a nightmare about my teeth decaying and falling out. it scared me so much that i woke up at 2 am, jumped out of bed and started brushing my teeth.

a little observation.
i was driving down broadway the other day trying to get home from work as soon as i could, windows down, blasting my radio as usual (a bad habit i acquired.. i'm nearly deaf now). nearing the intersection, i saw a guy standing on the corner with a ratty old cardboard sign--the type of guy that you think of when you think "homeless." i turned the radio down almost in an instant and the loud music became a quiet hum. maybe it was out of shame for being the middle-class kind of girl i am, born without want and driving a car that her mommy and daddy bought for her.

have you ever passed by a guy on the street corner who asks you for change? you avoid eye contact, try not to pause and continue on your way, just so you don't have to feel guilty. the problem is, when you're stuck in your car stopped at a red light, you can't hide from it because you have nowhere to go. two individuals in a car in front of me, an old red chevrolet, had pulled over before. i saw the window open, and the passenger leaned over--maybe exchanging some words or giving the man some spare change. they then drove off when the light turned green.

i was still stuck at the red light waiting to turn left, so i watched in my rearview mirror as a new batch of drivers lined up next to the man. he walked up and down the sidewalk, possibly trying to get their attention. most drivers ignored the man, kept their eyes straight ahead of them and pretended that he wasn't there. then the driver of a shiny, black bmw leaned over his passenger seat as the homeless man passed by--to lock his passenger door.

funny.

my head's buzzing with thoughts right now.
lately i've felt really disconnected. i've been mulling over the reasons why that might be. i've come to the conclusion that somehow i've lost touch with my friends and the people who really matter to me. maybe i was pushing them away? maybe i just didn't realize i was doing it? i don't know.. whatever it was, i ended up feeling the way i do because i've somehow disconnected myself. so in my (rather lame) attempt to re-establish communication with the outside world, i've decided to revive my blog. i'm rather lazy, so this is an easy way for me to give quick and dirty updates of what's going on in my life.

the big thing for me is that this time around, i've decided to make my blog PUBLIC. yes, i have another blog--"the secret one".. but that one's mostly for embarassing rants that i don't want anyone but myself to read. don't ask me for the link, cause you should already know that i won't tell you.

so i'm starting off with a fresh outlook and a fresh blog. i'm crossing my fingers and hoping that it works out.