i'm veering from my initial resolve.
remember how i was saying before that i've decided upon something with some certainty and that i'm just gonna go and do it? well.. umm.. just kidding.

the "something" that i've been thinking about is nursing. one thing that just really draws me in is that i have this huge desire to just help people and this seems to be the most basic, most rudimentary way i can do it. but then, i'm scared.. really scared of veering off the course that i've been aiming myself towards after all this time. also, although i like the idea of nursing, who's to say i'll like the real thing any more than what i'm doing already at redwood city?

so.. i guess it's a big "we'll see" for me again. hopefully i'll start volunteering at a local hospital soon. i've already called to express interest so i guess i'll just see where this all leads me.. no worries.

in other news, i got a traffic ticket for running a red light. yay me! and just in time for the holiday season. it's putting a pinch on my budget, because now every time i spend money i feel guilty since i know i'll eventually have to pay for that ticket. grrr... oh well. i actually tried to go to court today during my lunch break.. omigosh .. the line was AT LEAST 50 people long!! i asked the people at the front of the line how long they had been waiting.. and they had been waiting for THREE HOURS.. shoot, having to wait in line that long is enough punishment!

aiya... fun stuff going on. lovely, just lovely.

i have found my achilles heel.
and it's furry and cute. as i found out last night, i'm severely allergic to BUNNIES. nessie adopted a bunny on sunday, so i went over to her place to visit-soon after, i started getting sniffly and my eyes started itching so i decided it was time to stay away from the bunny. then, my eyes started puffing up and my lips started to swell.. not a pretty sight.

nessie and her dad ended up driving me home, since they didn't think i was okay to drive back. when i got home, the first thing matthew said was, "wow amy, that's interesting. let me see." i was hoping that the puffiness would go away after a good night's sleep-and thankfully my lips aren't swollen anymore. but my eyes are still puffy and i look like i've been crying all night.

ugh. i don't care how cute they are, from now on i'm steering clear of bunnies.

hey jo, remember these? =D

i realize something about myself.
i have this really, really big tendancy to do things in a very half-assed manner. i'm horrible at being decisive-simply cannot do it. but i think if i want to be happy.. really happy.. i need to start making some decisions once and for all. making half-assed decisions only makes me second guess things all of the time.

...

i do a lot of that-second guessing.

i don't know what i should do with myself and i have a decision to make. there's no way i can be guaranteed happiness but then, i have this feeling that if i don't at least try for it, i'll always wonder what would've happened. and you know it's those "what if's" that always kill me.

hum. i think things may be moving quickly soon.
i was talking to joanna and nessie about career choices last night and i feel pretty certain this time about what direction i should be headed. i'm a little scared-my interests seem to change a lot and i don't want this one to just be the new flavor of the week. also, this seems to be a complete u-turn from the direction that i've been headed for the past five years or so. but i've been thinking about it for the past month, and the more i think about it, the more viable it becomes.

but i'm probably going back to school soon. i want to finish up my education and finish it up quick, i've already wasted a lot of time...

i don't want to write what i'm thinking about for now-it'd be kind of embarassing for me to say that i'm certain and then not have it come to pass, right?

i'll write more when things are more certain.. i promise.

aiya.. wuss.
remember how i said that i was thinking of asking pat for more hours?

...

it hasn't happened yet. last week, pat was out sick the entire time, so i missed my opportunity. this week i don't know.. i just couldn't find the perfect moment. i.. i really want to ask, but i'm such a wuss when it comes to things like this... pat says that she has another project lined up for me, apparently there's some litigation going on and she needs help sorting through and copying documents.. she says that she might need to bring in some extra help, but maybe if i just told her that i want more hours?? i should, i know i should.. i will, i really will this time.

today was a scary teaching day.
sung had a teacher training session at the same time as the class.. so it was me.. JUST ME.. teaching the class. it was very intimidating and scary. i was really anxious when i got the email from julie telling me that i'd be teaching the class alone.

but you know what? it was fine. and all the worry turned out to be for nothing. yes, it was a little difficult to teach the class without a korean translator, but i think it ended up okay.

no worries for next time.

today, marines all over the world are celebrating my birthday.
umm.. just kidding.

they're actually celebrating the founding of the marines corps on november 10, 1775. but hey, they could be celebrating my birthday too...

i had a horrible dream last night.
and now i'm awake. it felt so real and i'm glad it was just a dream, but now i just can't go back to sleep since i'm just thinking.

...

i hate dreams like that.

i hate waking up in the winter time.
when i wake up it's just so cold, i wish i could stay curled up in bed. instead i need to wake up and drag myself to the shower. lately, i've taken to wearing a blanket around the house.. i think i look kinda funny.. but at least i'm warm. the weather's ruined my running regime too.. agh.. it's so hard to stay motivated when it's cold like this.

i've been thinking of looking for a new job lately too. thinking, but not actually looking. i know, it's bad. i still have no idea what i want be.. i can see myself doing things, and doing okay.. but.. i want to be better than just okay...

hmm.. i still have a lotta things to figure out.

after all the craziness of last week..
.. it's hard to settle back into the normal work week. today (or rather, yesterday), pat called in sick and so i basically had nothing to do the entire time i was in city hall. six hours of doing absolutely nothing.. i ended up leaving early since it was just too much nothingness to handle. honestly, i don't like the feeling of doing absolutely nothing. especially at work.. it just bugs the hell outta me. also, pat calling in sick put and stop to my plan of asking about more hours today (yesterday).. dammit.. i really, really hope she's there tomorrow (today) since i want to ask while the groundbreaking ceremony is still fresh in everyone's minds.

i'll just see how tomorrow (today) goes.

dang, and you know another thing i don't like? when yesterday still feels like today.

....

okay sorry, that doesn't make much sense. probably past my bedtime. good night.

rainy season.
i was driving back from davis the other night, and the rain was pouring down so hard that i could hardly see out of the window. it's kinda crazy that the weather's changed so drastically. just last week i was wearing a sleeveless shirt and complaining about getting a sunburn. funny.

oh! suzanne remembered my birthday, and mailed me a package all the way from japan. and despite several handwritten warnings on the package telling me not to open it until my birthday.. well, people who know me know that you should NEVER give me a package beforehand if you actually don't want me to open it...

...

so.. hum.. it's open and guess what she gave me? the BEST candy in the world and hairties.. yay! what can i say, i'm very easy to please.