i was writing an email to xu lan today.
i was telling her what i heard from jo. apparently just a little while ago, a whole new batch of kyoto university students came to visit ucla. dante, jo and some other former ucla/tide students showed them around while they were visiting. but i thought it was funny--a whole new group of kyoto and ucla students.. it's almost like a parallel universe where history is repeating itself. it's now been one year since we went to japan and it feels so distant. all i have to remind myself that it really happened is my photos (lots and lots of 'em) and emails that i get from xu lan.

one year--even in my head it doesn't sound like a long time. but i guess it's not really the time which matters, but everything that has happened in between now and one year ago. since last year, i've officially ended my career as an undergrad and entered the workforce. and now that i'm officially part of the working world, i can honestly say that i miss being a student. the grass is always greener, huh?

the sakura are blooming in kyoto now, i'm sure. it would be nice to go back one day.. but not yet.

i need a scanner.
i'm looking over jo's page right now. she has all these great pictures, and i feel like stealing some of them to put them on my own page. most of my pics are really, really out of date since i have no way of getting new ones online since we got rid of our old printer/scanner.

so no new pictures for now.. sorrie, sorrie.. i know you're dying to see new pics of me. *muah!*

i'm reading right now.
yes, i'm actually reading a book. wonders never cease. i've said repeatedly that the internet has ruined my capacity to read things over one page, but amazingly, i'm reading a book. it's by diane johnson and called le divorce. i remember my high school french teacher mentioning it in class eons ago and us having a discussion about it in second period french six. i saw it at half-price books while my little brother was shopping for a philosophy book (i know, he's an odd boy) for someone's birthday. i figured i might as well buy it since i already know my tendancy to get late fines when i borrow books from the library. it's really good.

one thing that i find amusing is the way they portray american ex-pats. i always find it funny, the way americans want to escape america. every year, there are hundreds of immigrants trying to get into america, while the people who are actually born here are desparately trying to distance themselves from being american. i don't know. an american.. there's no actual definition of our culture, after all we are just a cultural mix-up after all. and me, i'm just part of that mixed up culture. maybe that's not an entirely good thing. i still have memories of xu lan giggling at my attempts in mandarin when i visited kyoto last year. but even so, i'm happy with who i am..

lately i've had a new obsession:
dental hygine. don't laugh, it's true. it mostly has to do with the fact since i'm now "independent" from my parents, i'm no longer covered by their insurance (wah!). so i have this gnawing fear that while i'm uninsured, my teeth are going to get huge, gaping cavities and eventually i'll be forced to wear dentures at the tender age of 25. oy! what a horrible thought!

so for about a month i've adhered to my nightly tooth cleaning ritual: i brush, then i floss, and then i brush again.. just to make sure i get everything that i didn't get the first time around. the one time that i was too tired to clean my teeth, i actually had a nightmare about my teeth decaying and falling out. it scared me so much that i woke up at 2 am, jumped out of bed and started brushing my teeth.

a little observation.
i was driving down broadway the other day trying to get home from work as soon as i could, windows down, blasting my radio as usual (a bad habit i acquired.. i'm nearly deaf now). nearing the intersection, i saw a guy standing on the corner with a ratty old cardboard sign--the type of guy that you think of when you think "homeless." i turned the radio down almost in an instant and the loud music became a quiet hum. maybe it was out of shame for being the middle-class kind of girl i am, born without want and driving a car that her mommy and daddy bought for her.

have you ever passed by a guy on the street corner who asks you for change? you avoid eye contact, try not to pause and continue on your way, just so you don't have to feel guilty. the problem is, when you're stuck in your car stopped at a red light, you can't hide from it because you have nowhere to go. two individuals in a car in front of me, an old red chevrolet, had pulled over before. i saw the window open, and the passenger leaned over--maybe exchanging some words or giving the man some spare change. they then drove off when the light turned green.

i was still stuck at the red light waiting to turn left, so i watched in my rearview mirror as a new batch of drivers lined up next to the man. he walked up and down the sidewalk, possibly trying to get their attention. most drivers ignored the man, kept their eyes straight ahead of them and pretended that he wasn't there. then the driver of a shiny, black bmw leaned over his passenger seat as the homeless man passed by--to lock his passenger door.

funny.

my head's buzzing with thoughts right now.
lately i've felt really disconnected. i've been mulling over the reasons why that might be. i've come to the conclusion that somehow i've lost touch with my friends and the people who really matter to me. maybe i was pushing them away? maybe i just didn't realize i was doing it? i don't know.. whatever it was, i ended up feeling the way i do because i've somehow disconnected myself. so in my (rather lame) attempt to re-establish communication with the outside world, i've decided to revive my blog. i'm rather lazy, so this is an easy way for me to give quick and dirty updates of what's going on in my life.

the big thing for me is that this time around, i've decided to make my blog PUBLIC. yes, i have another blog--"the secret one".. but that one's mostly for embarassing rants that i don't want anyone but myself to read. don't ask me for the link, cause you should already know that i won't tell you.

so i'm starting off with a fresh outlook and a fresh blog. i'm crossing my fingers and hoping that it works out.