i had a dream about work the other night.
it's still kind of creepy to me. it was weird, all of my supervisors were there, and i was dreaming about economic development and visiting cathedral city, where one of my supervisors had worked on a redevelopment project. lately, i've been dreaming about work a lot. a while ago, i had a dream about running transactions at the bank. i was helping one customer but kept counting the money out wrong. you know how in dreams sometimes things go in slow motion? it was like that except with money counting...

all of this tells me one thing: i work way too much.

all that pomp and circumstance.
i can't believe it. this year, i'm attending commencement as an alumni. it's hard for me to think of myself of as a grad, but here i am. i guess this officially marks my one year anniversary as alumni. so i'm driving down to ucla tonight. i'm doing a very college-esque thing: i'm planning to drive through the dead of the night and arrive in los angeles in the wee hours of the morning. hey it works, and i don't have to deal with traffic this way, thank goodness. anyway, there's something calming about driving in the middle of the night when no one else is around. huh, maybe i should've been a truck driver. i'm in the wrong profession, dammit!

feeling antsy.
i'm trying to make myself go to sleep. i need to go to work tomorrow, and i'm very conscious of the fact that tomorrow morning, i need to drag myself out of the bed at 6 am, but for some reason, i just can't sleep. so here i am, typing away and hoping that this will somehow make me want to go to sleep. but i seriously doubt it. things have been halfway hectic lately. i say halfway because i don't seem to have a lot of time lately, but and the same time, i can't recall doing anything significant. so most likely i'm just spending my time doing a lot of nothing. but hey, that's nothing new for me.

part of the reason may be my jobs. i've been spending a lot of time at work but i really don't feel like i'm making much of a difference. at redwood city, i get paid to sit in front of a computer screen all day. and at the bank, i do help people but at the same time, they're not people who need my help. with each job i get, i'm refining more and more what my actual career interests are. but the problem is that even with the jobs that i've held, it's still not enough for me to actually figure out what i want since my interests are still so wide and inconsistent.

i really just need to buckle down and start job hunting again. but i'm lazy, and it's hard to make yourself look when you already have a paycheck coming in...

sick(ish).
so happily i'm not sick-sick anymore. this past week, i've been battling a cough that will not go away, and earlier in the week i was running a high fever. now i'm just stuck with the congestion and that cough that still won't go away. i have anti-biotics though.. yay! it's still taxing to work through sickness. i don't like it. all the times when i'd rather be lying in bed trying to get better, i'm on my feet running around the bank in circles. but i don't have much of a choice, after taking so much time off from before to go to dc and new orleans, i'd rather not call in sick now. it just seems like asking for too much.

all day today, i haven't felt like being at work. it's just draining. it's unrealistic to believe that there's some "dream job" out there for me. but at the same time, there has to be something more out there than this.

whew, i just got back.
i've been going from vacation to vacation and i feel kinda drained. its been fun, but at the same time it's exhausting flying back and forth and walking around everywhere to see the sights. new orleans was plenty of fun.. lots of good eating (gumbo and jumbalaya, YUM!) and lots of things to see. the streets are beautiful, when i first arrived i was in complete awe of the tiny little streets, lace balconies and gas lamps--i felt like i had stepped into a storybook.

bourbon street was also surreal. a 24-hour party--those people never take a break! you could buy a daquiri for breakfast, if you'd like. and the beads.. yes, i got my share, but none of that "girls gone wild" stuff.. nuh uh. also going to the south, i realize that asians are really a minority.. that's really something you take for granted, living in california where every other person is asian. everyone was friendly though, it was always, "how're y'all doin'?" or "where're y'all from?".. always with the "y'all".. heh.

whew.. but that's enough vacationing for me, i think. i'm ready to take a vacation from vacationing.

dammit, i want a mac.
in particular.. i want these penguin icons. wah!

i was thinking of mr. eaton today.
mr. eaton is one of my customers at the bank. when i first met him, his wife was sick and the doctors had told him that there wasn't much more that they could do for her. so he had taken her home to make her more comfortable in her last days. when she eventually passed on, mr. eaton would come into the bank and break down while chatting with the tellers. mr. eaton took to wearing aviator sunglasses--so no one could see him cry. six months later, he's doing better.. but he choked up when he mentioned that what would've been his anniversary is coming up.

it makes me wonder. would someone love me enough to cry over me like that? i'm uncertain of myself more often than not and i honestly don't know. but it would be a sad existance if no one cried for you when you were gone.

...

yeah.

yummy.

the internet made me cry!
oh my, this is so touching (3.8 MB .asf video).

i'm taking this cooking class with anny.
a chinese cooking class. yesterday we learned how to cook fried rice, chow mein and tofu. not bad, eh? hopefully by the end of the class i'll be a cooking pro.. HA. i'm keeping my fingers crossed on that one, but until then it's ramen forever.

yum.

tired.
i just got back from washington dc tonight. good times, good friends and good eating--a great trip. the weather was gorgeous, except for the one day when it rained.. but every other day was 80 degrees and sunny. the museums were fun and the monuments were beautiful.. but the best part was that most everything was free!

now i'm trying to regroup and get ready for work tomorrow. on top of that, i'm leaving for ANOTHER vacation to new orleans just a week and a half from now. kinda crazy, i know.

oy, time to sleep.. good night.

how does bad turn into worse?
so i go out to my car for lunch today. and i find out that i left my lights on, so my car battery's dead and it won't start. so i flagged down a guy, who's nice enough to let me jump start my car with his. i put my car in neutral and backed out my car a little bit, just so we could get the cars connected. anyway, the car gets started and i'm really happy. UNTIL i find out that i had closed my car door and the doors are locked. you see, my car has a "wonderful" feature--once the car gets started, the doors automatically lock. ah, the joys of automation.

anyway, so my car's still running, halfway sticking out of the parking space and the doors are locked. so i call roadside assistance and a tow truck comes by to save me. the first thing he says to me is, "i have one question: how did this.. nah, nevermind."

and you know what the funniest part is? this is the second time that this has happened to me.

ugh.

i'm going to dc tomorrow.
i still haven't done any packing, preparing or anything. after all the drama that's gone on with me and travelling, it's not something i go crazy over anymore i guess. anyway, i want to get a scanner. i just updated my photos page (it looks a lot better!) it makes me sentimental when i look at all of those old pictures again. i've taken so many pictures since but i can't add any new pictures since my dad got rid of the old scanner/printer we used to have. wah! somebody.. buy me a scanner!

oh by the way...
something exciting: i got a credit card! after years of being "anti-credit" i finally got one! heh, and with a $5000 credit limit too! woohoo! time for a shopping spree baaaaaaaby..!!

um. or not.

time to paaaaaar-tay!
my parents are away.. they're going away to las vegas until thursday or so. one thing is that it's QUIET when my parents aren't around. when they're here, there's so much constant noise in the house.. with my mom's constant nagging and the tv which is almost on all times of the day thanks to my dad.

i'm not the type of person to do crazy things while my parents are gone. anyhoo, it's not like i'm going to be around to enjoy the freedom of being without my parents, i'm going off to washington dc on wednesday night on a red eye flight. hehe, looking forward to that actually, i think it's gonna be gorgeous in dc.. or so i hope! i heard that they have this row of cherry blossom trees near the washington memorial and it's around the season. it's definitely not japan, but i think it'll be pretty great just the same.

happy bunnyegg day.
it's easter today. guess what? i went to church! after my mom's unending lectures about how i should go to church to meet a "nice boy" i finally went. maybe it's just a sense of obligation.. it's easter, after all... so i went today, and i nearly fell asleep during the service. went to church for the first time in about three months, and nearly fell asleep during the service, greeeeeeeat...

maybe i should pray more.

agh!
my ears are burning.

oh! i didn't mention..
the other day, just last week my bank got robbed. somebody went up to tracy (who happens to work at the window right next to me), handed her a note asking for all of her money, took the money and then walked out. i was on my break when it happened, so within the span of 15 minutes, the robber came and left and once i started coming downstairs from my break, the police were already there and securing the area. tracy was pretty shaken, but she took it really well, i think. we closed for the rest of the day, and passed time talking and speculating about what happened while the police around us took fingerprints and examined the area. afterward, we went out for drinks.. to make tracy feel a little more normal-ish, you know?

i just thought it was really odd--really random. i hope this isn't an everyday occurance from now on. even though the guy didn't whip out a gun or anything like that, it's still pretty nerve wracking and it puts us all on edge.

anyway, just thought i'd share.

tired.
my.feet.hurt.. my.head.aches.. i'm.so.freaking tired.. welcome to the working world. have i ever mentioned just how little of a life i feel like i've had since i've started working? today i "did lunch" (haha.. sounds funny, even to me) with nessie. it was wonderful, it was great.. and it made me realize just how little socialization i've done out of work lately. sure, it pays the bills and makes me money.. and goodness knows that i need more of that. but really, i don't feel "satisfied" with what i'm doing, you know?

it's hard not being in school. i like having a set path of course requirements and having graduation as a goal. but what am i working towards now? retirement??? jeez, that is just too sad. i see a lot of that, working at the bank. older people coming in, asking whether their social security or interest payment's come in. i don't want to live like that.. i really don't. i want a job that will satisfy me emotionally, where i lose track of time doing something i love, and where i can be happy feeling that i made a difference and did something that i felt was important. i don't want to be another cog in the machine.. please don't let me become another cog in the machine...

there was a documentary on the history channel the other day.
it was on pablo escobar in the 80s and early 90s. the type of things he did were absolutely crazy. things like killing all the supreme court justices and assasinating three out of five of the presidential canidates. just the thought of one man having such leverage against an entire government like that is almost impossible to comprehend. i know that in this day and age, similar things still occur in other nations, but in our sterilized lives here in the united states, we hardly hear about it.

maybe it's just because i'm not very well informed, or it could just be that i'm showing my age.. when this all happened, i was only in sixth grade. i doubt that drug cartels were high on my priority list back then.

crazy stuff. i'm sure we could garner a lot of lessons from history, but that never happens, so whatever.