i'm not alone!

so i'm slowly discovering that i'm not the only one out there who has no idea what the he** to do with their life. since i've been going to my microbio class, i've met a diverse range of students - the lady i usually sit next to is middle-aged, and she wants to persue a degree in nursing, her THIRD degree. another girl i just met today is premed, AFTER having already gotten a bs in cs and and a jd. actually, most everyone in my class already has a degree from somewhere already which is completely different from the course of study they're taking right now.

this is kind of a relief to me, because all this time, i've kind of felt that i had done something wrong or made a mistake when i had gotten my first bachelor's. just by knowing that there's a whole lot of other people out there who are going through the same situation, i don't feel so bad anymore.

which is good.

annoyed

i'm cleaning my room right now (!!) and after doing all the laundry that was lying on the floor, i'm finding that i'm missing socks. THAT BUGS! for some reason, i can handle huge, unsightly messes where i can't see the floor, but i cannot STAND missing pairs of socks.

ai. now watch me turn my room upside down looking for spare socks...

OVEEEEEEEEEEEER!!

final's week is final over! i honestly came outta my last final with the biggest "oh sh*t" feeling. the grades were posted last night, and guess what i got?? 65%........................... which in the world of medical physiology is a b+. yup.. so i guess i wasn't the only one with that feeling after the final. hopefully i pulled an a- in the class, i did well in the two midterms so i'm keeping my fingers crossed.

now i've got two days worth of bonafide summer vac until classes start up in oakland on monday. TWO DAYS! dood, i'm stoked. [/sarcasm]

until then, i gotta clean my room.. i can't see the carpet anymore and my mother loves just walking by my room (even though it's out of her way!) and looking in so she can bug me about it.

aish-ya

trying to focus on these take home finals right now. emphasis on "take home". two of my three finals this quarter are take homes, and needless to say, this quarter's been a cakewalk. still it's hard for me to focus, my thoughts are flying all over the place and writing short answers and essays on a computer with an internet connection is not very conducive for productivity.

eep. enough procrastinating - gonna work on it now!

paper due tomorrow!

yeehaw, it's starting to feel like ucla all over again!! i've got a paper due tomorrow, and what am i doing?? i'm writing in here! blah. i s'pose it's cause i'm almost done with the paper, so i'm taking a premature victory lap.

reason why i'm posting is because i checked friendster a while ago and discovered that tanya wrote me a testimonial. it makes me nolastalgic. gawd, i remember gaby (tanya's parakeet) - i remember how tanya snuck her into the dorm, and we'd hide her in the shower when they came to inspect our room. i remember feeling that l.a. xmases don't feel like xmas at all, so i cut paper snowflakes and taped them all over our dorm window. i remember when we were moving outta the dorms, i tore off the mirror that ray foam taped to the wall and tore off part of the wall with it, then going to home depot buy paint to try to hide the damage. it was a weird time, it doesn't feel like it happened to me anymore.

looking at other people profiles is almost like looking at an old yearbook and seeing what people have since become. some people have changed so much.. it makes me wonder if i've changed over the years. maybe yes, maybe no.

aishya.. gotta get to work. i'm listening to uber-mellow music right now, and it's making this nolastalgic mood even worse. but damien rice has such a lovely voice...

big bugs

my little brother got a spider bite on his hand and his hand has swelled up to two times its normal size. it's really impressive actually.. heh, i wanted to take a picture, but he wouldn't let me. anyhoo, he went to the hospital to have the doctors take a look at it. the doctor poked the hand a bit and prescribed some medication, but when he asked the nurse what the medication did, she really didn't know.. when he was telling me this he said, "amy, be a good nurse."

it's funny. i'm studying for this patho exam on tuesday, and i guess i kinda lose sight of the longterm goal. even though it's a chore to stuff all this information in my head for the exam, it's really cool learning all this stuff which has such a huge impact on other people's lives. after all, i want to be a good nurse too.

ugh

after waking up from over 12 hours of sleep, i think i can say that i never EVER want to pull another all nighter.

oy.

stoopid deanza

so i got an acceptance letter from csuh's nursing department. thing is, with me not getting the microbio class that i needed to take before june 30 i won't be getting into the program. so with that, my plans for going to csuh are cut short and it's prolly not an option for me anymore...

...

kinda disappointed about csuh (and stoopid deanza!) but i guess that just means i need to examine my other options and right now sjsu and ucsf are looking particularly attractive. sjsu has an accelerated undergrad nursing program and ucsf.. what can i say.. i know it's stupid and petty, but i'm attracted to name-brand degrees and a masters in nursing from ucsf would be pretty impressive. i know, stupid, stupid me.. it shouldn't (and doesn't) matter! ><

i'm wavering about getting the masters though. first of all there's the time commitment - three years versus a year and half.. i know it's only a year and a half difference, but for some reason it makes a huge difference to me. second of all there's the cost - ucsf's first year would KILL my bank account. (30k just for the first year!) third (and prolly most importantly) is that i'm just not sure if i can handle the responsibility of being a nurse practitioner. it's just so much power and providing healthcare is scary - because a simple mistake could potentially KILL someone. i'm not sure if i'm ready for that.

*sigh* but that's just me talking out loud. jeez, i haven't even gotten into the program and i'm already so gloomy about it. just like me to think too much.

house warming

my cousin ching got married recently - the first of the cousins to get married. (other than my 50 year old and 30 year old cousins) he and pam (the new wife) bought a little house in milpitas, a steal at only 380k. it's an older home, there are weeds growing up in the front yard and the outside could probably use a new coat of paint, but they've done up the inside really well. the kitchen's newly remodeled with marble floors and granite countertops and in the little dining nook is the hand-me-down dining set that we gave to them when they moved in. the bathrooms have been remodeled too - granite counters, marble floors, new plumbing fixtures.. the works.

i'm pretty impressed. it's funny to see my cous get all domesticated like this. he immigrated from china when my mom was still pregnant with me, so i've known him all my life and he's almost like my other brother and he's always been the "wild one" that worried my mom. but seeing him like this: pam is sweet and seems like she's good to him, and the house is slowly coming together.. i'm really happy to see that he's finally putting down his roots and happy because he's had it tough since he's come to the states.

i felt kinda bad. i had to leave early to meet a friend so i wasn't able to stay for the big feast that pam was preparing. but i'm sure there'll be more times to come. i'm really glad to see him happy.

btw

this is so cool - if you're lookin for an apartment and you don't wanna sift thru craigslist.

[via cool hunting]

sleepy

i just had a good conversation with a couple of old friends. sometimes that's just nice.. to have that sort of comfort and connection where you can talk about the 'good ol days' and stuff like that. it just feels.. good.

of course i spent too long talking too so now i'm super sleepy. lookin forward to sleeping in tomorrow, i have a day off! no school, no work, no nutin! i know it's kinda sad but i'm actually really happy to have a honest-to-goodness two day weekend!

aiya

just got back a while ago. too exhausted to really write anything, but a couple of random thoughts: the southwest is beatiful, there's so much open land that stretches for miles and miles. jen's niece and nephew were adorable. campfires are harder to make than you'd think and don't use magazines as tinder! i went to mass for the first time and found out that i'm allergic to frankincense.

it was an awesome trip.

couple of snags near the end though. because of an unexpected traffic jam i missed my flight outta vegas so i had to go on standby for a later flight which was then delayed by TWO HOURS. came home to find out that someone broke the driver's side window on my car - now i have some lovely duct tape and plastic bags covering my window.

my first campfire! note the white flakes.. yes, that is snow!



lunch after easter mass.



the always-wonderful "fobby pose".

*sigh*

time to regroup.

...

CAN'T CONCENTRATE!!!!

i have a final at noon tomorrow and i still haven't finished the reading and i'm just sitting here, wasting time. after that i have two more finals on thurday til i'm homefree.

ai.

at least i have the grand canyon to look forward to. i'm totally stoked about the trip and i think that getting out and communing with nature will do me some good.

ack

the mess in my room is directly proportional to how stressed i am. right now, you can't see the carpet.

somehow, i idealized my school memories. i remember going out and having fun but forgot all about the studying and test-taking parts. the worst part about school is that it's not like work which just ends at a set time. instead you have to study and when you're not studying, you're feeling guilty about not studying. all that, and you don't get a paycheck every two weeks.

...

even though i'm complaining, i think i kinda hate/love stress. although it can be just horrible sometimes, i think it's a lot better than being bored out of your mind. stress can be a challenge.. but challenging yourself makes you grow.

marilyn just told me something funny just yesterday. she said that physiologically the brain that you've developed by 25 is that brain that you'll have for the rest of your life - so basically even at 65, you'll still be thinking with your mentally 25 year old brain.

SO! i'm 24. i have one year to expand my mind as much as it can expand and do as much as i can before my brain hits its 25 year old peak. stress just comes with the package, right?

all that jazz

just got back and felt like writing a little bit. we went to a jazz club in sf.. it was my first time and i really, really liked it. i just like how the music is so free-form and you can just close your eyes and get taken away by the music. i'm almost inspired to seriously take up the piano again...

kinda funny. my friend had made the reservations for us and her last name is kok. there were two hosts working in the front of the club and when the host asked for her name, she replied and he went down his list of attendees and then told the other host that we were the "kok party".

yes, it sounded as bad as it looks.

fifth week, already?

four tests later, i still can't believe that it's already fifth week. after being out of school for so long, i've forgotten how quickly these quarters move. i'm still reeling from all of this studying, last night i stayed up until almost 4 in the morning just catching up on five weeks' worth of readings for my psych midterm.

i'm exhausted, my room's a disaster, and i still have five more weeks to go. i'll be so relieved when i'm actually certain that i've been admitted into a nursing program, this uncertainty thing isn't for me.

happy (belated) new year!

so.. the situation has changed a little bit. after nearly two years, i'm no longer working at redwood city. it was really nice too - they had a little send off breakfast for me and then i had lunch with jeannie and pat. then i packed up my stuff and said goodbye to cube-life. jeannie and pat are both women i really admire and respect - i hope i can keep in touch with them. also, i've reduced my (already little) schedule at the bank - instead of working there fridays and saturdays, i now only work saturdays.. a whopping five hours a week!

so i've essentially left the working world behind to concentrate on being student.

i'm attending hayward right now and i gotta say that student life is weird. i feel so OLD. seriously, those six years make a huge difference. i'm sure i'll get used to it eventually but i feel like i'm on a different plane than a lot of the other students. Working for the past two years has really given me a different perspective on school. it's only second week and i'm already staying late, trying to keep up with all of my readings, but i feel like i'm the only person on campus when i stay past 6pm.

anyhoo, i'm totally stoked that i got all the classes i wanted. it was kinda scary with one of the classes because it was so full, but i ended up getting in at the very last minute. now i just have a lot of readings to catch up on.

phew...

late is better than never.

phew.. i've finally gotten my pictures from london AND paris organized. actually it was easier than i thought it would be because i found this handy site called flickr - which is really awesome, by the way.

anyhoo - pictures is what you want, right?

(drum roll please)

paris - march 2004

london - november 2004

tada! that wasn't too hard now, was it?

christmas time already?

when the seasons sort of mush one into the other like they do in california it doesn't really feel like the holiday season even though the calendar tells you otherwise. i haven't started shopping at all and i'm dreading the thought of stepping foot in a mall. if money wasn't an issue and everything i wanted was right in front of me, then i'd love shopping.. but it doesn't really work like that, does it?

i don't think i really wrote much about london/paris - but i think my favorite part in the trip was this one night in paris. it was so cold and we wanted to go back to the hotel so badly, but nessie wanted to stop at les galeries lafayette (a huge department store) to look at the lights. as we came out of the metro station, this is what we saw:

i've never seen anything like that before. i just remember walking out to the station and being completely awestruck by the lights because it was so beautiful. people were clustered around the store windows and we walked closer to see what was going on. as we approached, we saw that each display window was done up elaborately with models and animated puppets - i don't know how to explain it because words just don't do it justice. parents brought their children simply to look at the displays and the kids would immediately run up to the windows and press their noses against the glass.

on a cold night in paris, i felt like a kid again and christmas was magic. i just wish there was some i could capture everything from that moment in time and store it away.

merry christmas, everyone. make it magic.

(les galeries lafayette is maintaining a christmas page for now, click on the site to enter and click on the green ornament on the right to see videos of some of the window displays. it's still not the same, but it's better than anything i could ever write.)

turkey

mom and dad's 30th aniversary was yesterday. because of that, they've left me, matthew and david to spend the holiday on our own, while THEY go on a mexican cruise.

sooooooooooooo.. tomorrow's turkey day will be fresh (store-bought from safeway) and we're driving to auntie lil's to celebrate. i love lil by the way - she's just the kind of woman i would want to be like when i grow up.

grow up... ack, did i mention that i'm now TWENTY-FOUR???

...

happy thanksgiving, everyone.

ramen!

i found a new favorite restaurant! it's called ringer hut and it's located in san jose. the champon ramen that les ordered was super-good and when i asked them what song was playing over the speaker system, the owner actually took the cd out of the player and gave it to me.

hehe. it's the little things that make me happy.

mind the entry

got back from london, simply amazed that people are able to exist in that sort of weather since my wimpy californian body is unable to handle anything under 50 degrees fahrenheit. weather aside, we had a good time. we had our share of rough spots, but overall it went off really, really well. (amazingly, no major drama!) now i'm home and trying to adjust to post-vacation life. i still have yet to do my laundry and my room looks as if a small tornado's passed through.

ugh.. when's my next vacation?

good news!

my cousin is getting married today! kind of expected/unexpected. he and his girlfriend (wife??) bought a house just recently and they've been living together for the past year or so, so we've been expecting him to pop the question.

but he just called my mom yesterday night and told her that he and pam (pam jei-jei?) are going to register this afternoon in san francisco city hall. mom's delighted. she's been worried about him for years, especially since it took him a long time to get over his last ex.

i'm super happy for him. i just hope it works out...

planning, planning

so we're leaving for london in a couple of days.. A WEEK AND A HALF. i can hardly believe it since we're still trying to plan. les has found an awsome airline called ryan air which is super-duper cheap and we're SO TEMPTED to book tickets for italy or spain right now. it looks like we might just do it too - we're still looking to see how feasible the plan really is, but hehe.. italy.. spain.. it sounds like a dream!

i've always liked this part of trip planning, the anticipation before actually going.. it's like waiting for christmas. i'm really looking forward to this trip. i just can't believe it's coming up so soon...

one problem i've had lately is shopping for this trip. i keep going shopping, telling myself to buy sweaters because i just KNOW that i'm going to be a frozen popcicle when i get to london, but when i go shopping i get distracted and end up leaving with tees instead of sweaters. now i have three new tees and no sweaters...

oh - and as a mini epilogue. grant came and went. the deadline was last, last friday so since then it's been quiet. i've gone from going crazy back to going comatose. i kinda lovehate deadlines. it's nice to just keep pushing towards a deadline cause you just have this rush while you're doing the work and once you're done it's just an awesome sense of relief. but up until the deadline it's stressstressstress.

still pushing through the apps for the local csu's. after two months (maybe longer), csu hayward still hasn't admitted me - i feel like i should be a little more mean and harass their admissions office more.. but i just don't have the energy for it. i need to get the apps for sf and sj done as well.. i've been putting it off (lazy, lazy) and i'm planning to finish them once i return from london.

which brings me back to london.. LONDON. less than two weeks to go and i haven't planned or packed a thing!

i'm still at work...

and i'm eating salsa - not salsa with chips, mind you, but straight up salsa. i think i'm craving vegetables, but unfortunately my workplace lacks decent snacking veggies.

i'm helping my coworker on some text for a grant and it's been keeping me busy, the past two nights i've stayed in the office past 7pm, yesterday i set a record at 8:30. and they say government employees are lazy, pheh... the good people of redwood city BETTER be appreciating me, this is their hard-earned tax dollars at work!

...

ha.. that sounded bitter. actually, it's not-so-bad. i'm actually glad that i'm working on a real project for a change and i know that i'm prolly thinking too far ahead of myself, but it'd be awesome if we won the grant money.

they say that if you lose track of time while working, you're doing something you love. so maybe all of these overtime hours actually equal a good thing.

kpop!

i'm addicted to this kpop song 'how do i say' by shinhwa right now-VERY POPPY AND AZN. i guess music is where the azn in me comes out.

anyhoo, today i'm going to a bonfire on the beach in carmel, i'm pretty excited because i've never been to anything like this before. mayne's turning 20 (she's such a baby!) on monday, and we're going for her birthday. it should be pretty interesting, yesterday night we went to a spanish club-me and les were the only asian people, until mayne's chinese-peruvian friends showed up. you know, although chinese-chinese people probably think i'm weird, i can't get over hearing chinese people speaking spanish.. it just sounds odd. it was fun though, and the music was good, different.

i'm lookin' forward to going to the beach!

london (continued)

so it looks like right on the heels of china and france, i'm going traveling again. hee.. what can i say, i'm no good at saying no. i justify it to myself by telling myself that i'll be in school for the next two years anyway and then working after that so this is my time to travel.

jo has an aunt in london right now, and we'll be staying there. it looks like i'll have a second chance to see paris too because jo and nessie want to take the train to paris. i'm getting really excited as we're starting to plan, and i'll be using my mad excel skills to make another spreadsheet-this time on london. i'm recycling the paris one too since i already have that down. (see i knew it'd come in handy again!)

in other news, i sent out my ucla transcript to csuh-so it LOOKS as if the application process is moving ahead. my (tentative) plan is to finish those two prereq courses (physiology and chem) at csuh and then apply for any program that'll take me. i'm kind of worried because so many nursing programs are impacted right now. but i suppose where there's a will, there's a way?

ai.. i certainly hope so.

LONDON!!!

details to follow.

bachlorette no more

i'm going to a bachlorette party this weekend. amy-yes, my apartment-mate amy is getting married. i've never been to a bachlorette party before so i'm kinda looking forward to it while not knowing what to expect.

eep.. what's with all of these weddings lately?

who's next???

spain

i'm happy to report that (fisshy) jen made it to spain alright.

she's in the southern part of spain on a dig and she'll be back in a month. lucky girl! imagine being in the mediterranean during the summer.

...

wish i was in the mediterranean right about now.

china.

i've heard about china all my life, but i didn't really know what to expect. first thing i noticed as we touched down in beijing was the smog. the air was this horrible combination of fog, smog, and humidity-so everywhere you went, the air felt like a sticky and dirty blanket. i never realized that clean air and blue sky was such a luxury-thank you california, for anti-pollution laws.

beijing was good, despite the heat and humidity we walked across the forbidden city (which is HUGE). it's amazing really, but after seeing your umpteenth amazing building in stiffling heat, you get kinda numb. i'd hafta say that the highlight of beijing was seeing the great wall-pictures do not do it justice. it's just amazing when you see the first segment of the wall, and then see it continue over hillside after hillside.

after a couple of days in beijing, they flew us down to shanghai. i really don't know enough about china to generalize, but it seems to me that the historical center of china is beijing, but the financial center is shanghai. it was a completely different world-i had gotten used to seeing the patches of poor conditions in beijing and middle-aged men with their bellies (!!) hanging out of their shirts, but shanghai didn't appear to have any of that. by contrast, the city and people seemed completely metropolitan and the buildings reached towards the sky.

from shanghai, they drove us to wuxi, suzhou, and hangzhou.. and garden, after garden, after garden-all very beautiful, but like the forbidden city, you get numb after a while. we spent a lot of time on the road, but the drives were interesting. the houses are right next to the freeways, so as you pass by, you can see people at work or in their homes, just going about their daily lives. just from observation, their lives seem very different from mine, simpler maybe?

we then drove back to shanghai, and FINALLY got a free day. after five days of having our wake up call anywhere between 5 or 6 in the morning and then having a packed schedule until 9 in the evening, it was a huge RELIEF to have at least one day where we could do our own thing. so, we did what made sense: we went shopping.

later that day, we flew back. when we landed in sfo the weather was in the 70s and misty.. heading out of the peninsula, the mist cleared and it was blue sky all the way. although it was only a week, it feels like we did and saw a lot and although i'd love to have another opportunity to go back, there's no place like home.

quickie...

china was really good! i'll write more later.

until then, here's a picture of me and shanghai's funky-wunky pearl tower (it looks even weirder at night):

my car must hate me by now.

something that i forgot to mention about los angeles. i HATE driving in l.a.

a couple of reasons:

1) TWO parking tickets in THREE days,

2) running up curbs and scaring everyone in the car,

3) and of course.. i got rear ended as well.

luckily, i got rear ended exactly where i got rear ended before, so now i have a collection of cracks on the left-hand side of my rear bumper. insurance is figuring it out right now, but thankfully.. nessie is more level-headed than me and we got a license plate number and vehicle description.

oh, and i think los angeles driving karma followed me up to the bay area, 'cause today i forgot about my headlights (third or fourth time this year, i think.. i've lost count) and my battery died.

eep!

i haven't visited los angeles for AGES. so this weekend, i finally went down. it was really good.

first off, i got to see so many people that i haven't seen in so long. jo and all the girls, pearl, jen, nessie, marie.. seeing all these people remind me of just how much i miss them. this is also the first time that we actually went to l.a. with an agenda. usually, we don't really have much of a plan, it's more like let's just go and see what happens.

this time, we actually had a chance to see all the touristy-type things that as a student, i never got to see. i (finally) saw the hollywood sign, the hollywood walk of fame, and mann's chinese theatre.

there are so many things.. i can prolly go gushing about on and on. but the biggest and best thing?.................................................. I SAW TOM CRUISE!

eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

aiwa.

so i finally emailed julie today and told her that i would not be able to volunteer for aiwa next semester. i'm going to miss doing aiwa, but with all the things coming up, i doubt that i'll have the time for it. most of all, i'll probably miss my students-they're a great group.

thanks to joanna, i'm (finally) starting to get things together for going back to school. i finished an application this weekend, and i'll start doing the others in august when applications for winter 2005 become available. kind of scaredexcited to go back to school, but i think it'll be a welcome change. also my application for volunteering at washington is also starting to move along and i have an interview on wednesday.

busy, busy. eep!

rip van winkle.

i've been so exhausted lately. in redwood city the other day, i was actually falling asleep at my desk. so last night, i put an end to that-i slept a total of TEN HOURS. yup, i'm awfully proud of myself. so hopefully that'll curb the exhaustion for at least a little while.

it's cloudy outside, but i think that it'll clear up. i think i'll do some hiking today.

here's a picture from last weekend. isn't my grandma beautiful? i don't think i'd look so good at 90.

my cousin christine, me, and my grandma <3

back in fremont.

i got back from vancouver just today. it was a good visit-chinese food every night, family, etc. it was just really difficult to leave, especially to leave my grandmother. next year seems very far away right now, and i know i'm going to miss her terribly.

eep.

yeah, i hate goodbyes.

birthday!

so yesterday (actually two days ago now) was my grandma's birthday.  the build-up to the 'event' was huge.  there were guest lists to finalize, seating arrangments to fix, cups to be wrapped, cakes to pick up...  but amazingly, everything went off without a hitch.
 
for some reason, every time we go to restaurants in vancouver, we have a tendancy to go to the sames restaurants over and over.  so this year we had the banquet in the same restaurant as last year's banqet-we reserved over half of the restaurant and had nine tables.  my dad ACTUALLY gave a speech.  now, you have to know my father to know what a huge step that was for him, because he can be painfully shy at times.  but for such a big event, he really pulled it out from in him and when he was speaking, i was just like, "yup, that's my dad."
 
most importantly, we had a good time that night, and i think my grandmother was really happy.  i can't hardly believe that she's 90.  but God-willing, we'll be celebrating her 100th in another ten years.

tying up loose ends.

so i'm leaving tomorrow. i'm trying to straighten out the house and tie up some loose ends.. i still hafta pack, though. i hate packing, did i ever mention that?

oh! i'm ACTUALLY starting to get somewhere with my application for volunteering at the hospital, after postponing for a long time, i finally went and took the tb test which is required of all employees/volunteers, i have a second test in the next week. after that i can schedule the interview and (hopefully) everything from there on out will be fine.

i also need to start applying to programs and etc. i think i've done enough research for now, all i really need to do is apply. i'm kinda nervous since i really don't know about starting school again (i feel old next to all those freshmen!). but on the other hand, i really appreciate school so much more since i've graduated. dood, i wish i just put some thought into my major before i went and chose something the first time around, but i guess late is always better than never.

i got an email from julie requesting our schedules for the fall semester of aiwa. i don't think i'll be doing it in the fall anymore. i love it, but on the other hand.. i need to be honest with myself. it might just be because i don't have the time to really plan out lessons or maybe i just don't have 'the gift' (blech) but i don't think i'm that great of a teacher, and who wants to be a mediocre teacher?

...

eep. going back to what i was talking about before, another reason i'll be glad to get out of a desk job: lately, my hand/wrist has been bugging me. early onset of carpal tunnel syndrome? i don't wanna wait and see...

...

so i left for work early today and headed off to the mall right afterward. i just didn't want to go home to an empty home, you know?

the WORST part is that despite the fact that i just spent two hours in the mall, i couldn't find anything at all.

eep.

sheezers.

i'm up. i woke up at 4:30 since i was feeling a little restless. normally at this time, my mom would come out telling me to sleep.. but my family's been away so i have the house to myself for two more days. believe it or not, it was a real relief to hear my mom's voice when she called to tell me that they (my family) made it up to canada.

on wednesday, i'll be joining them. this time of year, we always go up to canada because of my grandma's birthday. this year is special too, since it's her 90th birthday. i'm looking forward to seeing her and the rest of my dad's family.

but for now and the next two days.. this house is way too much for one person.

...

too much peace and quiet: part 2.

i have the house to myself and it's driving me kinda crazy again.

*sigh*

too much peace and quiet.

maybe it's just because i've grown up in a noisy family where everyone's vying to be the center of attention, but too much peace and quiet drives me crazy. i slept immediately after work today, and when i woke up the house was quiet. and for some reason, that freaked me out completely so it was a relief when i heard the garage open and my mom came home.

sometimes peace and quiet is good-sometimes it's necessary. but you know what? i don't like that feeling of not having anyone around either. company, even if they're not talking, is good. there are times when my family drives me crazy but i can't imagine (or want to imagine) life without them. they're noisy, they're not perfect, but they're my family and i love them to death.

wonders never cease.

guess what?? MY ROOM IS CLEAN. yes, i know it's a amazing, but it's true! i ended up staying up until 4 am yesterday night just cleaning. usually when i get into my "cleaning mode" it's hard to stop me. and of course i had to work the next day so that gave me about three good hours of sleep.

eep.. so sleepy...

fieldtrip!

tomorrow is the the last day for aiwa. good news: we're going on a fieldtrip! bad news: we're going to sacramento. i'm not sure how many of the women will actually attend because chung hee was saying how last year, the group went to angel island and since most women thought that it would be fun there was a pretty good turnout. but sacramento is.. sacramento. after boring my students for a semester and watching my class grow smaller and smaller i don't know if state government is going to hold their interest.

well i hope it'll be fun! regardless i have to attend since i am a (kinda) leader. oy, better go to sleep. i'm supposed to be in san jose at 8:30. not leave the house at 8:30 but be in san jose at 8:30. so i better sleep or i'll miss the whole thing.

nite!

brr...

it's chilly tonight. the stars are out. nice night.. doesn't feel like summer, but nice.

also, nessie's leaving tomorrow. not far away, since she's only going to los angeles.

but...

i guess i just don't like goodbye's.

first wedding.

yesterday i went to my first wedding ceremony. for some reason, i always go the banquet/reception part of the wedding, but not the actual ceremony. i didn't really know the girl getting married, but it was very nice to watch.

i'll say one thing that i've learned though. when it comes to weddings, you hafta hire RELIABLE people. ok, me and les were 15 minutes late for the ceremony, and they still hadn't started the ceremony when we arrived. in fact, the decorating people were putting up decorations when we arrived, and they were STILL putting up decorations as the music started playing and people were walking down the aisle. and the cake.. omigosh.. that's a whole story on its own.

so me and les came up with a resolution: les is gonna learn how to bake and decorate cakes. my assignment is to learn how to arrange flowers. now all we need is a dj and photographer, and then we have most of our bases covered.

ucsf.

i attended an prospective student seminar for ucsf. it's for admission into their mepn where you can have a bachelor's in a degree other than nursing and then just get your master's. first of all ucsf is HARD TO FIND. i drove around the castro and then the twin peaks area for a half hour looking for it. then when i was trying to leave, i got lost AGAIN and ended up driving in circles. thank goodness for my cell phone and friends who don't mind if i call for directions (thanks jen and nessie!).

anyway, the actual seminar gave me a pretty good idea of what i could expect and honestly, i don't know if it's for me. it seems once you graduate, you'll be very specialized, and i'm not sure if that's what i want. i think that i'd be happy just as a general floor nurse. so if that's the case, i may just need to get a regular bachelor's in nursing. and guess which school i'm thinking of? csuh. it seems really round-about, especially after working so hard to get into ucla.. but i guess you just hafta do what makes you happy even if it takes you while to figure out what makes you happy.

old dogs and new tricks.

my mom has a computer proficiency survey for her job coming up, so she's requested that i help her out.

i just spent the past hour going over microsoft word and how you cut and paste text. it's amazing how something which seems so intuitive to me, like right-clicking and left-clicking, goes completely over her head. but i suppose that just beccause i've lived with computer all my life, while for her they're still a relatively new invention.

i still have to go over formatting, spreadsheets, and databases with her before next week.

...

ai, i can already tell that it's gonna be a long week.

franz ferdinand!

i saw franz ferdinand tonight. i haven't been to a concert in AGES, so this is the first one that i've been to in a couple of years. i don't know if it's just that i forgot how fun concerts could be or that this one in particular was really awesome, but i'm leaning towards being really awesome.

i'll hafta say that the two opening bands were disappointing and by the time we got around to the main attraction i was scared that they would be more of the same. but they weren't. (thank goodness!) they were awesome, high energy, and just fun to dance and jump around to. and it's much better to hear them live rather than hear them on a cd since there's a world of difference between the two.

my recommendation: see them when they're in town-they're worth the buck.

p.s.

one more thing! i did go to the ramen place the other night. not bad! although i'll hafta say that the one in mountain view is a still better since they give you more noodles and the broth is yummier. but being only five minutes away is definitely a plus so i guess i have a new place to go if i'm having a noodle-fix.

classical dramas.

exhausted today. nessie and i drove up to davis today to watch jen's play. i don't believe that i've EVER seen a play that was done in ancient greek and latin. for that matter, i don't believe that i've ever seen a play with SUBTITLES. that was unique. it was pretty entertaining and afterwards we went to buckhorn for dinner (REALLY good steak!).

a good day. tired.. but good.

oh one more thing-i went to borders to look at gre books.. there are too many choices! *sigh*.. i'm just afraid that i'll buy the book and then it'll start gathering dust like my lsat book... i'm just not that disciplined when it comes to self-study.

ramen in fremont.

hey, i know i'm probably being over-excited, but there's a new ramen place.. in FREMONT. so! if anyone's having a ramen-craving, check out the plaza on warm springs boulevard, where verde's located. and please, don't forget to invite me.

scrubs.

i shadowed joanna to her work at cho today. it was only for two hours, but after this i think that i'd really rather do something like nursing rather than the behind-the-desk job that i'm doing right now. although it's a bit intimidating (i'd probably be scared of giving patients the wrong drugs or dosages) i'd rather have direct interaction with the people that i'm trying to help.

i think i can see myself doing this.. i think? i still have that bit of uncertainty. i called washington the other day, and they're still processing my application. they told me that they'll get back to me (hopefully) in a couple of days and i'm hoping that volunteering will add some certainty into my decision.

getting closer...

it feels like everything's moving quickly.
i may have to take the gre's. some ms nursing programs require it, and just the same i'd like to take it just in case... it's weird having to study for a test again, i'm nervous about the math part of it. i never was a math-type person in the first place and it's been YEARS since my last math class. diana told me that i shouldn't worry too much about the math since the real killer is the volcab section...

honestly, i'm still not sure about nursing.. but i'm always wishy-washy like this. i just want to make a definite decision for once!

...

anyhoo, i've got a lesson to prepare for aiwa tomorrow-first things first, i guess.

aww.
you know its been YEARS since i last watched friends. i probably stopped watching around the third season or so, but even so i feel so.. sad (i guess?) that it's over.

that and i feel old. dood, i remember how me and my high school friends would talk about it and how cool it was when it was new.

i must be in denial but shoot.. i AM getting old here.

i mailed in the voluteer application for the hospital today.
so i guess i'll just hafta see how it goes. i'm also researching b.a. to masters in nursing programs right now. there's several universities in san francisco which look pretty attractive right now.

it's hard. because i'm not really sure if making a 180 degree turn is gonna make me any happier than where i am now. but then i'm not really satisfied with what i'm doing right now either. i can see myself doing it.. but.. i guess it's not what i dreamed of?

i don't want to regret things. i don't want to see myself in the future wondering "huh, i wonder what would've happened if i..?" i just wanna go ahead and do it. it may not make me happy in the end, but at least i won't wonder "what if?"

no regrets, right?

oh well.
so it only took two weeks for my room to look horrible again. with all the clothes on the floor, it looks like a small tornado touched down in my room.

well.. it was good while it lasted, at least.

i just watched hero.
i've had it for a while but just got around to watching it. omigoodness.. i must say that it's like an asthetic kick in the butt. beautiful colors.. beautiful cinematography.. it's just a beautiful film. honestly it's probably not the BEST movie i've ever seen.. but probably the most gorgeous.

case in point:

i feel old.
my older brother just turned 27.. dood, how can that be?? just a couple of years ago 27 seemed AGES away, now with him being 27 it's just a couple years before it's my turn. gawd, i still remember starting out in college at 18.. dood.. that feels so far away now... omigosh, it's been over FIVE YEARS.

shoot...

i do feel old though. throw me back in ucla at the point where i am now, and i think i'd go crazy.

you know what's funny though? i didn't even realize that it's been so long until i really started thinking about it. i guess time flies when you're having fun.

heh.. oh well, i'm old but at least i'm enjoying it. =D

sleepy.
yesterday was easter. mayne and me were saying how it's kinda funny how it doesn't even feel like it with all the other things going on. so yesterday we went on a THREE HOUR search for a church. did you know that it's really impossible to find an evening easter service in fremont? first we drove to one church and they were having service in chinese (doesn't really work for mayne). then we drove to two other churches which supposedly had services at 6, and both of them were closed. then we drove to another one which was supposed to have service at 6:30 and that one had cancelled their mass. so we just ended up sitting in the church and praying.

well.. we tried, at least. heh, it's just funny how it was so impossible for us to find a service on easter sunday.

i'm sure god appreciates the effort.

fighting off jet lag.
it's still hard for me to believe that today i'm back from paris and back at work. i've been fighting off the effects of jet lag but last night i ended up so exhausted that i went to sleep at 8 and woke up at 3 in the morning. afterward i FORCED myself to sleep.

it didn't seem to help that much because i was still half-asleep as i drove to work this morning. i missed my exit on the freeway and didn't notice until i got into union city.

*sigh*

back!
even after coming back, it's weird thinking that i just came back from france. it seemed so quick and surreal. we went at breakneck pace going through everything we could see. it was definitely worth it and i got to practice six year's worth of high school french. i wish i had the luxury of spending a longer time to actually get to know the culture and the people since a week is hardly anything. but i guess that's something that i'll hafta wait for.

i was eager to see sainte chapelle and when we got there, it was everything i expected. pictures can try-but it's simply not the same.

and then there was the eiffel tower. we went in the evening and the whole city was lighted up. the view was gorgeous and there's just something magical about being on the top of the eiffel tower on a clear evening in paris.

...

one thing i'll hafta say is that i'll miss the little "patisseries" which are on almost every street corner. since i'm very dessert-oriented i ended up eating tarts and desserts for almost every lunch and dinner. i also fell in love with italian ice cream. *sigh*.. next goal, go to italy.

although paris was good, i'm happy to be home. near the end we were just exhausted and drained and even seeing awesome monuments like sainte germaine and the pantheon hardly fazed us anymore.

home, sweet home.


one of the best things about paris...

getting close now.
it's a little over a week now, that me, joanna, jen, and anny will be in paris! i've got most of the details ironed out of my "planning spreadsheet" (heh). i'm getting kinda anxious, and it's hard for me to believe that we're leaving so soon. i haven't even started packing-although i've at least started doing my laundry so i'll have clean clothes ready at least.

check this out, the target is my hotel in paris. pretty soon, that's where i'll be.



heehee. yay!

omigoodness.
i just spent the past THREE HOURS working on a visual aid for aiwa. today i was trying to explain government structure and i was either a) boring them out of their minds or b) confusing the heck out of them. so i came up with the brilliant idea of making a graphical representation of what i was trying to explain. i thought it'd take an hour, tops. but here i am, three hours later and finally done. honestly after this, i am certain that i never want to go into teaching as a career. it's too time consuming. makes me wonder if my teachers ever spent this kind of time preparing lessons.

this time for reals.
i grabbed the flyer for volunteering at washington today. this time, i need to make sure i don't make any excuses for myself, if i want to realistically consider nursing as a career path i need to start moving in that direction. it's frustrating when i don't feel any definite pull in any direction. sometimes i just wish there was some big booming voice from the sky telling me what to do. that would make things much simpler.

ai. so orientation's on march 19th. i'll tell you how it goes.

leg-is-sla-tion
new semester of aiwa today. my old students were there, and after a nearly three month long holiday, if feels good to be back at it. it's hard to explain, but usually right after the lesson as i'm driving home, i feel so happy that i'm just glowing. i just like feeling like i'm making a difference, you know?

i was nervous today. my coteacher, sung, wasn't able to make it today so it was only me teaching. before class, i was thinking about what i should talk about and how i could fill the 1 1/2 hour class. but today ended up being good and i was just so happy to see familiar faces from last semester.

hm. happy.

i hope the rest of the semester goes well, but i'm optimistic so i'm sure it will.

i'm a dork.
a la my coworker, i'm making an excel spreadsheet to help me plan for paris. i feel like a dork, but after looking at her spreadsheet, i feel like it's prolly the only way i can get everything organized onto one sheet. i'm really digging the idea of going to the cathedrals right now. people have mentioned going to sacre coeur or notre dame during the mass and how it's such an awesome and spiritual experience-so that's one thing that i really want to do. there's other stuff too: like going to a cafe and just people watching, walking the paris streets, going to the museums, going to the top of the eiffel tower.. aiya, so much to cram in just one week!!

i'm such a shutterbug too-i'm HOPING that my dad will let me take the digital camera. after japan (and 10 rolls of film) i think that it'll be a more economical way for me to keep my memories. but i'm just getting so stoked about this trip by just planning it.. yay! only a month away!

another thing, i'm teaching myself to read. i know it sounds funny, but i feel that my attention span is only a few minutes now because of the internet? also, mebee i might just have an aversion to books after working in a library and studying until the wee hours of the night at yrl. so i'm making myself read "real" books now.. it's hard, but i'm making progress. example: i've FINALLY finished the fellowship of the rings-only 2/3 more to go!

this is good.
heh.. watch this.

then this.

then this.

ai.. where's part four???

hey, just thought i should mention:
MY ROOM IS CLEAN. =D

YEAH!!
so i actually have a TWO DAY WEEKEND. although i know it sounds silly to be excited about such a thing, i don't get them very often so getting them is a treat. time to catch up on things.. like sleep.. and probably cleaning my room (ugh).

mm.. sleep. better idea than cleaning, i think.

i want a puppy!

it must be something in the air...
i went outside for lunch and i was struck by how absolutely gorgeous it is out there. the sky is this dazzling shade of blue and the air feels fresh and clear. there are some magnolia trees in full bloom right outside of city hall and the sun was shining through the petals.

beautiful.

i just wish i had some better words to describe it.

in general, i like the government.
dood, i even work for the government. but what i don't understand is that even though i make VERY LITTLE i still owe taxes. i just calculated it and i owe about $450. aish! all that hard-earned money going away...

*SIGH*

i asked my dad if there was something i could do and he said, "find another job which makes more money." gee, thanks for the solution dad. but honestly, i am thinking of changing-i'm still toying with the idea of going into nursing. i know if i want to do it, i need to decide soon since i'd have two more years of school ahead of me (yay!).

mm.. i hate decisions.

SANDBANK ON THE COAST OF WHITSUNDAY ISLAND, Queensland, Australia (S 20°17' E 148°59').

check this out:


Flock of scarlet ibis, near Pedernales, Amacuro delta, Venezuela (9°57’ N, 62°21’ W).

this photo's from a series called "earth from above" by yann arthus-bertrand. check out his website-some of the shots are absolutely gorgeous.

oi.
i've been so exhausted lately. i've been going to work later, but also staying later. case in point: i'm still at work and it's nearly 7 pm. also, i've been getting a lot of projects lately-mostly because people end up delegating what they don't want to do to me. although i like the extra sense of responsibility at the same time, it's tiring having to do other people's grunt work.

i'm looking forward to the weekend.. since i'm actually going to hang out with anny and les. it's funny that since we've all started working we hardly hang out together. dood, i remember when we used to movie hop and stay up until 2 am. eep.. i guess times change.

anyhoo.. i'm still looking forward to paris. charles (coworker) is helping me figure out places to go. i told him already that i'm all for good eating (desserts in particular =D) and he told me that he'd direct me to THE BEST pastry place, THE BEST ice cream place, and THE BEST chocolate place. ahhh.. it already sounds like it'll be a wonderful vacation.

i went to work late today.
and i almost forgot how GOOD it feels to be at home in the morning. heh.. too much work does that to you, i guess. i'm adjusting to my new schedule at redwood city. the commute definitely makes it a change. also it's different seeing what happens on a day to day basis. it helps since before i'd hafta get reoriented and put back up to speed every time i came in.

i can kinda see myself making a career out of this.. but at the same time, i'm still wavering. i know that getting a full-time job isn't an "end all" but i'm still very iffy about what i really want. nursing.. non-profits.. the public sector? i have no idea.

i need to figure it out eventually. sooner versus later. after all, i can't be an intern forever.

eep.

hehe.
omigosh, too cute!

two months to go..
.. and i'm already starting to think of paris. we booked it in december, and since then we haven't really given the trip a second thought-probably since all of us have been busy. but january's nearly over and we've got just over two months 'til paris.

omigoodness.. that's just too awesome-i honestly need the vacation.

but really, there's a ton of stuff which i'd love to see and do and the trickiest part is trying to make everything fit into a one week intinerary.

ai.. can't hardly wait.

fun!

i'm a sucker for cuteness.

so...
i didn't send out the application for oakland. i'm always so indecisive, so maybe it's just me afraid of being pinned down in a career again.

i was talking to stacy today and over dinner she told me to start sending out resumes and applications again. maybe i should-i definitely feel that i'm ready for a change. taking up more hours at redwood city is a step in the right direction, but.. i still feel like i'm missing something?

i guess the best thing for me to do is just start looking forward, keep my options open, and start sending out resumes. after all, it can't hurt...

heh, nowhere to go but up, right?

matthew's in san diego.
guess why? he's checking out the ucsd campus. deja vu, anyone? just five years ago, i was doing the exact same thing. five years.. funny how it passes just like that-amazing, really.

seeing him go through this, i know how he feels-just dying to get out and feeling stuck. deciding against san diego and making that random decision to go to hayward. it makes me wonder, things could've been very different. maybe i would've learned to surf with tiffany like we had agreed. who knows?

hum.

i'd be lying if i said there were no regrets, but overall i'm happy with where i am. now if i just knew where to go, i'd be all set.

i guess i'll just hafta wait another five years and find out. =)

aiya.
i just woke up from a six hour nap. so sleepy.. i guess it's because i've been busy lately. it feels like all of a sudden everyone wants to visit, everyone wants to have dinner, everyone wants to see a movie. honestly i love it, since i don't usually see so many people, but at the same time it's tiring and i haven't had a chance to work on things that i've been meaning to. example? first of all.. my room. my room always seems to be the first thing to go when i'm busy. it's painful to look at.

also i've been meaning to apply for this job for the city of oakland. it's kinda what i do already at redwood city-except a lot more pay and full time. i have more hours at redwood city (yay!) but i still would like a permenant position with benefits and i need to keep my options open.

i'm only working at the bank fridays and saturdays now. a good thing, but i'll miss my coworkers. sometimes a job is only as good as the people you work with and i'll really miss these people...

hum.. lots of things going on, it's been a busy new year. i'll tell you if i get an interview for the job. i'm working on the application right now. i would be so stoked if got it, but i guess i'll just hafta wait and see on this one.

david moved out on wednesday.
it's kinda weird with him not being at home anymore. i'm used to all the noise, and it's been quiet. it'll be even stranger once matthew leaves for college.. then it'll be just me and my parents.

...

oy. which means i probably should start looking to make more money so i can pay for an apartment. don't get me wrong, i love my parents.. but just me and them? eek.. i dunno about that.

today's been a long, long day...
it started at 5:30 this morning-i pulled myself outta bed and got myself to court to pay a traffic fine. got there at 6:30 and i was the first in line. probably a good thing, since the line was really long by the time they started actually letting people in. so basically i waited in line for two hours to be $370 poorer and now hafta go to traffic school.. but at least i finished two chapters of the lord of the rings while i was waiting to get let in.

oh! if things go as i want them to, i think i can get a rear bumper cover.. right color, right model, right year.. for $90. i've already put it on reserve-it's in a salvage yard in hayward. the tough part is just finding a good time to go in and look at it before i actually purchase it since they're only open during normal business hours. but tracy already said that she or her brother can probably put it on for me.. so it's only a matter of getting the right part. i even had one of my bank customers look at it, and he said that a bumper cover would prolly do it.

hoping.. hoping...

omigoodness.
i just can't believe people sometimes! i was driving back from redwood city-stop and go traffic on 880, right? anyway.. this.. GRRR.. GUY rear ends my car and drives off! so here i am, stuck with a $1000 deductible and a big crack in my rear bumper.

okay.. now i know that what comes around goes around so it's gonna come back to him in one form or another. BUT.. why does it hafta be my car??? right now i'm just wishing that people out there could just be accountable for their actions.. just take responsibility and don't dodge it.

...

anyway.. at least i have a noticable marker on my car so i won't lose it in the parking lot from now on.

check this out:
it's the view outside my window while i'm in redwood city.

got it!
during the division meeting this afternoon, i got the more hours! susan gave pat and me the ok so prospects look good. on the other hand, the city budget's kinda iffy right now so i don't know if they can make me full-time. i'm hoping, because after all those medical bills that i've been paying, i really would love to have benefits. also.. higher pay wouldn't hurt.. but that's another story.

oh.. and guess what i did today? i left the lights on my car on.. AGAIN. thankfully this time i didn't see anyone i worked with for the little time that i was stranded.. agh.. it'd be too embarrassing.. especially with this being the THIRD time around. i found a random stranger to jump start with yet again.. you know one nice thing about redwood city is that it's full of nice people who'll let me jump start with their cars... hey! but i AM learning. i didn't lock myself out of the car this time. thank god.

today was the last day for the semester for aiwa too. i'm gonna continue doing it into the next year too. i like working with the women-it's hard.. but it's good for me, because i'm just so shy by nature and this sorta thing pulls me out of my shell.

guess what?
i asked! and pat seems receptive. so.. i guess from here on out, we'll see what happens. but i'm hoping for the best.

keep your fingers crossed for me.

things that i'd like to learn which would be awesome:
1) skateboard. i've been meaning to learn for the longest time.. i even have a board. i just need a boarding buddy.

2) play the guitar.

3) drive stick. just for the heck of it. also if i'm ever called up to drive stick for an emergency, i'll be ready.

yesterday i went shopping.
i went to walgreens, safeway, and long's. i spent over four hours and guess what i bought? over 50 bucks worth of christmas presents and three cards that i don't yet have the occasion to use.

aish.. someone please keep me away from drugstores and supermarkets.

via www.danheller.com

lately, i've just been wanting to go on a drive.
it doesn't really matter where the destination is.. you know sometimes you just hafta enjoy the ride 'cause getting there's most of the fun anyway. but yeah.. i haven't been able to.. for lack of time and driving companions.

...

eep.. i guess it's a sign that i'm getting old. *sigh*.. yeah, something like that.