tying up loose ends.

so i'm leaving tomorrow. i'm trying to straighten out the house and tie up some loose ends.. i still hafta pack, though. i hate packing, did i ever mention that?

oh! i'm ACTUALLY starting to get somewhere with my application for volunteering at the hospital, after postponing for a long time, i finally went and took the tb test which is required of all employees/volunteers, i have a second test in the next week. after that i can schedule the interview and (hopefully) everything from there on out will be fine.

i also need to start applying to programs and etc. i think i've done enough research for now, all i really need to do is apply. i'm kinda nervous since i really don't know about starting school again (i feel old next to all those freshmen!). but on the other hand, i really appreciate school so much more since i've graduated. dood, i wish i just put some thought into my major before i went and chose something the first time around, but i guess late is always better than never.

i got an email from julie requesting our schedules for the fall semester of aiwa. i don't think i'll be doing it in the fall anymore. i love it, but on the other hand.. i need to be honest with myself. it might just be because i don't have the time to really plan out lessons or maybe i just don't have 'the gift' (blech) but i don't think i'm that great of a teacher, and who wants to be a mediocre teacher?

...

eep. going back to what i was talking about before, another reason i'll be glad to get out of a desk job: lately, my hand/wrist has been bugging me. early onset of carpal tunnel syndrome? i don't wanna wait and see...

...

so i left for work early today and headed off to the mall right afterward. i just didn't want to go home to an empty home, you know?

the WORST part is that despite the fact that i just spent two hours in the mall, i couldn't find anything at all.

eep.

sheezers.

i'm up. i woke up at 4:30 since i was feeling a little restless. normally at this time, my mom would come out telling me to sleep.. but my family's been away so i have the house to myself for two more days. believe it or not, it was a real relief to hear my mom's voice when she called to tell me that they (my family) made it up to canada.

on wednesday, i'll be joining them. this time of year, we always go up to canada because of my grandma's birthday. this year is special too, since it's her 90th birthday. i'm looking forward to seeing her and the rest of my dad's family.

but for now and the next two days.. this house is way too much for one person.

...

too much peace and quiet: part 2.

i have the house to myself and it's driving me kinda crazy again.

*sigh*

too much peace and quiet.

maybe it's just because i've grown up in a noisy family where everyone's vying to be the center of attention, but too much peace and quiet drives me crazy. i slept immediately after work today, and when i woke up the house was quiet. and for some reason, that freaked me out completely so it was a relief when i heard the garage open and my mom came home.

sometimes peace and quiet is good-sometimes it's necessary. but you know what? i don't like that feeling of not having anyone around either. company, even if they're not talking, is good. there are times when my family drives me crazy but i can't imagine (or want to imagine) life without them. they're noisy, they're not perfect, but they're my family and i love them to death.

wonders never cease.

guess what?? MY ROOM IS CLEAN. yes, i know it's a amazing, but it's true! i ended up staying up until 4 am yesterday night just cleaning. usually when i get into my "cleaning mode" it's hard to stop me. and of course i had to work the next day so that gave me about three good hours of sleep.

eep.. so sleepy...

fieldtrip!

tomorrow is the the last day for aiwa. good news: we're going on a fieldtrip! bad news: we're going to sacramento. i'm not sure how many of the women will actually attend because chung hee was saying how last year, the group went to angel island and since most women thought that it would be fun there was a pretty good turnout. but sacramento is.. sacramento. after boring my students for a semester and watching my class grow smaller and smaller i don't know if state government is going to hold their interest.

well i hope it'll be fun! regardless i have to attend since i am a (kinda) leader. oy, better go to sleep. i'm supposed to be in san jose at 8:30. not leave the house at 8:30 but be in san jose at 8:30. so i better sleep or i'll miss the whole thing.

nite!

brr...

it's chilly tonight. the stars are out. nice night.. doesn't feel like summer, but nice.

also, nessie's leaving tomorrow. not far away, since she's only going to los angeles.

but...

i guess i just don't like goodbye's.

first wedding.

yesterday i went to my first wedding ceremony. for some reason, i always go the banquet/reception part of the wedding, but not the actual ceremony. i didn't really know the girl getting married, but it was very nice to watch.

i'll say one thing that i've learned though. when it comes to weddings, you hafta hire RELIABLE people. ok, me and les were 15 minutes late for the ceremony, and they still hadn't started the ceremony when we arrived. in fact, the decorating people were putting up decorations when we arrived, and they were STILL putting up decorations as the music started playing and people were walking down the aisle. and the cake.. omigosh.. that's a whole story on its own.

so me and les came up with a resolution: les is gonna learn how to bake and decorate cakes. my assignment is to learn how to arrange flowers. now all we need is a dj and photographer, and then we have most of our bases covered.

ucsf.

i attended an prospective student seminar for ucsf. it's for admission into their mepn where you can have a bachelor's in a degree other than nursing and then just get your master's. first of all ucsf is HARD TO FIND. i drove around the castro and then the twin peaks area for a half hour looking for it. then when i was trying to leave, i got lost AGAIN and ended up driving in circles. thank goodness for my cell phone and friends who don't mind if i call for directions (thanks jen and nessie!).

anyway, the actual seminar gave me a pretty good idea of what i could expect and honestly, i don't know if it's for me. it seems once you graduate, you'll be very specialized, and i'm not sure if that's what i want. i think that i'd be happy just as a general floor nurse. so if that's the case, i may just need to get a regular bachelor's in nursing. and guess which school i'm thinking of? csuh. it seems really round-about, especially after working so hard to get into ucla.. but i guess you just hafta do what makes you happy even if it takes you while to figure out what makes you happy.

old dogs and new tricks.

my mom has a computer proficiency survey for her job coming up, so she's requested that i help her out.

i just spent the past hour going over microsoft word and how you cut and paste text. it's amazing how something which seems so intuitive to me, like right-clicking and left-clicking, goes completely over her head. but i suppose that just beccause i've lived with computer all my life, while for her they're still a relatively new invention.

i still have to go over formatting, spreadsheets, and databases with her before next week.

...

ai, i can already tell that it's gonna be a long week.

franz ferdinand!

i saw franz ferdinand tonight. i haven't been to a concert in AGES, so this is the first one that i've been to in a couple of years. i don't know if it's just that i forgot how fun concerts could be or that this one in particular was really awesome, but i'm leaning towards being really awesome.

i'll hafta say that the two opening bands were disappointing and by the time we got around to the main attraction i was scared that they would be more of the same. but they weren't. (thank goodness!) they were awesome, high energy, and just fun to dance and jump around to. and it's much better to hear them live rather than hear them on a cd since there's a world of difference between the two.

my recommendation: see them when they're in town-they're worth the buck.

p.s.

one more thing! i did go to the ramen place the other night. not bad! although i'll hafta say that the one in mountain view is a still better since they give you more noodles and the broth is yummier. but being only five minutes away is definitely a plus so i guess i have a new place to go if i'm having a noodle-fix.

classical dramas.

exhausted today. nessie and i drove up to davis today to watch jen's play. i don't believe that i've EVER seen a play that was done in ancient greek and latin. for that matter, i don't believe that i've ever seen a play with SUBTITLES. that was unique. it was pretty entertaining and afterwards we went to buckhorn for dinner (REALLY good steak!).

a good day. tired.. but good.

oh one more thing-i went to borders to look at gre books.. there are too many choices! *sigh*.. i'm just afraid that i'll buy the book and then it'll start gathering dust like my lsat book... i'm just not that disciplined when it comes to self-study.

ramen in fremont.

hey, i know i'm probably being over-excited, but there's a new ramen place.. in FREMONT. so! if anyone's having a ramen-craving, check out the plaza on warm springs boulevard, where verde's located. and please, don't forget to invite me.

scrubs.

i shadowed joanna to her work at cho today. it was only for two hours, but after this i think that i'd really rather do something like nursing rather than the behind-the-desk job that i'm doing right now. although it's a bit intimidating (i'd probably be scared of giving patients the wrong drugs or dosages) i'd rather have direct interaction with the people that i'm trying to help.

i think i can see myself doing this.. i think? i still have that bit of uncertainty. i called washington the other day, and they're still processing my application. they told me that they'll get back to me (hopefully) in a couple of days and i'm hoping that volunteering will add some certainty into my decision.

getting closer...

it feels like everything's moving quickly.
i may have to take the gre's. some ms nursing programs require it, and just the same i'd like to take it just in case... it's weird having to study for a test again, i'm nervous about the math part of it. i never was a math-type person in the first place and it's been YEARS since my last math class. diana told me that i shouldn't worry too much about the math since the real killer is the volcab section...

honestly, i'm still not sure about nursing.. but i'm always wishy-washy like this. i just want to make a definite decision for once!

...

anyhoo, i've got a lesson to prepare for aiwa tomorrow-first things first, i guess.

aww.
you know its been YEARS since i last watched friends. i probably stopped watching around the third season or so, but even so i feel so.. sad (i guess?) that it's over.

that and i feel old. dood, i remember how me and my high school friends would talk about it and how cool it was when it was new.

i must be in denial but shoot.. i AM getting old here.

i mailed in the voluteer application for the hospital today.
so i guess i'll just hafta see how it goes. i'm also researching b.a. to masters in nursing programs right now. there's several universities in san francisco which look pretty attractive right now.

it's hard. because i'm not really sure if making a 180 degree turn is gonna make me any happier than where i am now. but then i'm not really satisfied with what i'm doing right now either. i can see myself doing it.. but.. i guess it's not what i dreamed of?

i don't want to regret things. i don't want to see myself in the future wondering "huh, i wonder what would've happened if i..?" i just wanna go ahead and do it. it may not make me happy in the end, but at least i won't wonder "what if?"

no regrets, right?

oh well.
so it only took two weeks for my room to look horrible again. with all the clothes on the floor, it looks like a small tornado touched down in my room.

well.. it was good while it lasted, at least.

i just watched hero.
i've had it for a while but just got around to watching it. omigoodness.. i must say that it's like an asthetic kick in the butt. beautiful colors.. beautiful cinematography.. it's just a beautiful film. honestly it's probably not the BEST movie i've ever seen.. but probably the most gorgeous.

case in point:

i feel old.
my older brother just turned 27.. dood, how can that be?? just a couple of years ago 27 seemed AGES away, now with him being 27 it's just a couple years before it's my turn. gawd, i still remember starting out in college at 18.. dood.. that feels so far away now... omigosh, it's been over FIVE YEARS.

shoot...

i do feel old though. throw me back in ucla at the point where i am now, and i think i'd go crazy.

you know what's funny though? i didn't even realize that it's been so long until i really started thinking about it. i guess time flies when you're having fun.

heh.. oh well, i'm old but at least i'm enjoying it. =D

sleepy.
yesterday was easter. mayne and me were saying how it's kinda funny how it doesn't even feel like it with all the other things going on. so yesterday we went on a THREE HOUR search for a church. did you know that it's really impossible to find an evening easter service in fremont? first we drove to one church and they were having service in chinese (doesn't really work for mayne). then we drove to two other churches which supposedly had services at 6, and both of them were closed. then we drove to another one which was supposed to have service at 6:30 and that one had cancelled their mass. so we just ended up sitting in the church and praying.

well.. we tried, at least. heh, it's just funny how it was so impossible for us to find a service on easter sunday.

i'm sure god appreciates the effort.

fighting off jet lag.
it's still hard for me to believe that today i'm back from paris and back at work. i've been fighting off the effects of jet lag but last night i ended up so exhausted that i went to sleep at 8 and woke up at 3 in the morning. afterward i FORCED myself to sleep.

it didn't seem to help that much because i was still half-asleep as i drove to work this morning. i missed my exit on the freeway and didn't notice until i got into union city.

*sigh*

back!
even after coming back, it's weird thinking that i just came back from france. it seemed so quick and surreal. we went at breakneck pace going through everything we could see. it was definitely worth it and i got to practice six year's worth of high school french. i wish i had the luxury of spending a longer time to actually get to know the culture and the people since a week is hardly anything. but i guess that's something that i'll hafta wait for.

i was eager to see sainte chapelle and when we got there, it was everything i expected. pictures can try-but it's simply not the same.

and then there was the eiffel tower. we went in the evening and the whole city was lighted up. the view was gorgeous and there's just something magical about being on the top of the eiffel tower on a clear evening in paris.

...

one thing i'll hafta say is that i'll miss the little "patisseries" which are on almost every street corner. since i'm very dessert-oriented i ended up eating tarts and desserts for almost every lunch and dinner. i also fell in love with italian ice cream. *sigh*.. next goal, go to italy.

although paris was good, i'm happy to be home. near the end we were just exhausted and drained and even seeing awesome monuments like sainte germaine and the pantheon hardly fazed us anymore.

home, sweet home.


one of the best things about paris...

getting close now.
it's a little over a week now, that me, joanna, jen, and anny will be in paris! i've got most of the details ironed out of my "planning spreadsheet" (heh). i'm getting kinda anxious, and it's hard for me to believe that we're leaving so soon. i haven't even started packing-although i've at least started doing my laundry so i'll have clean clothes ready at least.

check this out, the target is my hotel in paris. pretty soon, that's where i'll be.



heehee. yay!

omigoodness.
i just spent the past THREE HOURS working on a visual aid for aiwa. today i was trying to explain government structure and i was either a) boring them out of their minds or b) confusing the heck out of them. so i came up with the brilliant idea of making a graphical representation of what i was trying to explain. i thought it'd take an hour, tops. but here i am, three hours later and finally done. honestly after this, i am certain that i never want to go into teaching as a career. it's too time consuming. makes me wonder if my teachers ever spent this kind of time preparing lessons.

this time for reals.
i grabbed the flyer for volunteering at washington today. this time, i need to make sure i don't make any excuses for myself, if i want to realistically consider nursing as a career path i need to start moving in that direction. it's frustrating when i don't feel any definite pull in any direction. sometimes i just wish there was some big booming voice from the sky telling me what to do. that would make things much simpler.

ai. so orientation's on march 19th. i'll tell you how it goes.

leg-is-sla-tion
new semester of aiwa today. my old students were there, and after a nearly three month long holiday, if feels good to be back at it. it's hard to explain, but usually right after the lesson as i'm driving home, i feel so happy that i'm just glowing. i just like feeling like i'm making a difference, you know?

i was nervous today. my coteacher, sung, wasn't able to make it today so it was only me teaching. before class, i was thinking about what i should talk about and how i could fill the 1 1/2 hour class. but today ended up being good and i was just so happy to see familiar faces from last semester.

hm. happy.

i hope the rest of the semester goes well, but i'm optimistic so i'm sure it will.

i'm a dork.
a la my coworker, i'm making an excel spreadsheet to help me plan for paris. i feel like a dork, but after looking at her spreadsheet, i feel like it's prolly the only way i can get everything organized onto one sheet. i'm really digging the idea of going to the cathedrals right now. people have mentioned going to sacre coeur or notre dame during the mass and how it's such an awesome and spiritual experience-so that's one thing that i really want to do. there's other stuff too: like going to a cafe and just people watching, walking the paris streets, going to the museums, going to the top of the eiffel tower.. aiya, so much to cram in just one week!!

i'm such a shutterbug too-i'm HOPING that my dad will let me take the digital camera. after japan (and 10 rolls of film) i think that it'll be a more economical way for me to keep my memories. but i'm just getting so stoked about this trip by just planning it.. yay! only a month away!

another thing, i'm teaching myself to read. i know it sounds funny, but i feel that my attention span is only a few minutes now because of the internet? also, mebee i might just have an aversion to books after working in a library and studying until the wee hours of the night at yrl. so i'm making myself read "real" books now.. it's hard, but i'm making progress. example: i've FINALLY finished the fellowship of the rings-only 2/3 more to go!

this is good.
heh.. watch this.

then this.

then this.

ai.. where's part four???

hey, just thought i should mention:
MY ROOM IS CLEAN. =D

YEAH!!
so i actually have a TWO DAY WEEKEND. although i know it sounds silly to be excited about such a thing, i don't get them very often so getting them is a treat. time to catch up on things.. like sleep.. and probably cleaning my room (ugh).

mm.. sleep. better idea than cleaning, i think.

i want a puppy!

it must be something in the air...
i went outside for lunch and i was struck by how absolutely gorgeous it is out there. the sky is this dazzling shade of blue and the air feels fresh and clear. there are some magnolia trees in full bloom right outside of city hall and the sun was shining through the petals.

beautiful.

i just wish i had some better words to describe it.

in general, i like the government.
dood, i even work for the government. but what i don't understand is that even though i make VERY LITTLE i still owe taxes. i just calculated it and i owe about $450. aish! all that hard-earned money going away...

*SIGH*

i asked my dad if there was something i could do and he said, "find another job which makes more money." gee, thanks for the solution dad. but honestly, i am thinking of changing-i'm still toying with the idea of going into nursing. i know if i want to do it, i need to decide soon since i'd have two more years of school ahead of me (yay!).

mm.. i hate decisions.

SANDBANK ON THE COAST OF WHITSUNDAY ISLAND, Queensland, Australia (S 20°17' E 148°59').

check this out:


Flock of scarlet ibis, near Pedernales, Amacuro delta, Venezuela (9°57’ N, 62°21’ W).

this photo's from a series called "earth from above" by yann arthus-bertrand. check out his website-some of the shots are absolutely gorgeous.

oi.
i've been so exhausted lately. i've been going to work later, but also staying later. case in point: i'm still at work and it's nearly 7 pm. also, i've been getting a lot of projects lately-mostly because people end up delegating what they don't want to do to me. although i like the extra sense of responsibility at the same time, it's tiring having to do other people's grunt work.

i'm looking forward to the weekend.. since i'm actually going to hang out with anny and les. it's funny that since we've all started working we hardly hang out together. dood, i remember when we used to movie hop and stay up until 2 am. eep.. i guess times change.

anyhoo.. i'm still looking forward to paris. charles (coworker) is helping me figure out places to go. i told him already that i'm all for good eating (desserts in particular =D) and he told me that he'd direct me to THE BEST pastry place, THE BEST ice cream place, and THE BEST chocolate place. ahhh.. it already sounds like it'll be a wonderful vacation.

i went to work late today.
and i almost forgot how GOOD it feels to be at home in the morning. heh.. too much work does that to you, i guess. i'm adjusting to my new schedule at redwood city. the commute definitely makes it a change. also it's different seeing what happens on a day to day basis. it helps since before i'd hafta get reoriented and put back up to speed every time i came in.

i can kinda see myself making a career out of this.. but at the same time, i'm still wavering. i know that getting a full-time job isn't an "end all" but i'm still very iffy about what i really want. nursing.. non-profits.. the public sector? i have no idea.

i need to figure it out eventually. sooner versus later. after all, i can't be an intern forever.

eep.

hehe.
omigosh, too cute!

two months to go..
.. and i'm already starting to think of paris. we booked it in december, and since then we haven't really given the trip a second thought-probably since all of us have been busy. but january's nearly over and we've got just over two months 'til paris.

omigoodness.. that's just too awesome-i honestly need the vacation.

but really, there's a ton of stuff which i'd love to see and do and the trickiest part is trying to make everything fit into a one week intinerary.

ai.. can't hardly wait.

fun!

i'm a sucker for cuteness.

so...
i didn't send out the application for oakland. i'm always so indecisive, so maybe it's just me afraid of being pinned down in a career again.

i was talking to stacy today and over dinner she told me to start sending out resumes and applications again. maybe i should-i definitely feel that i'm ready for a change. taking up more hours at redwood city is a step in the right direction, but.. i still feel like i'm missing something?

i guess the best thing for me to do is just start looking forward, keep my options open, and start sending out resumes. after all, it can't hurt...

heh, nowhere to go but up, right?

matthew's in san diego.
guess why? he's checking out the ucsd campus. deja vu, anyone? just five years ago, i was doing the exact same thing. five years.. funny how it passes just like that-amazing, really.

seeing him go through this, i know how he feels-just dying to get out and feeling stuck. deciding against san diego and making that random decision to go to hayward. it makes me wonder, things could've been very different. maybe i would've learned to surf with tiffany like we had agreed. who knows?

hum.

i'd be lying if i said there were no regrets, but overall i'm happy with where i am. now if i just knew where to go, i'd be all set.

i guess i'll just hafta wait another five years and find out. =)

aiya.
i just woke up from a six hour nap. so sleepy.. i guess it's because i've been busy lately. it feels like all of a sudden everyone wants to visit, everyone wants to have dinner, everyone wants to see a movie. honestly i love it, since i don't usually see so many people, but at the same time it's tiring and i haven't had a chance to work on things that i've been meaning to. example? first of all.. my room. my room always seems to be the first thing to go when i'm busy. it's painful to look at.

also i've been meaning to apply for this job for the city of oakland. it's kinda what i do already at redwood city-except a lot more pay and full time. i have more hours at redwood city (yay!) but i still would like a permenant position with benefits and i need to keep my options open.

i'm only working at the bank fridays and saturdays now. a good thing, but i'll miss my coworkers. sometimes a job is only as good as the people you work with and i'll really miss these people...

hum.. lots of things going on, it's been a busy new year. i'll tell you if i get an interview for the job. i'm working on the application right now. i would be so stoked if got it, but i guess i'll just hafta wait and see on this one.

david moved out on wednesday.
it's kinda weird with him not being at home anymore. i'm used to all the noise, and it's been quiet. it'll be even stranger once matthew leaves for college.. then it'll be just me and my parents.

...

oy. which means i probably should start looking to make more money so i can pay for an apartment. don't get me wrong, i love my parents.. but just me and them? eek.. i dunno about that.

today's been a long, long day...
it started at 5:30 this morning-i pulled myself outta bed and got myself to court to pay a traffic fine. got there at 6:30 and i was the first in line. probably a good thing, since the line was really long by the time they started actually letting people in. so basically i waited in line for two hours to be $370 poorer and now hafta go to traffic school.. but at least i finished two chapters of the lord of the rings while i was waiting to get let in.

oh! if things go as i want them to, i think i can get a rear bumper cover.. right color, right model, right year.. for $90. i've already put it on reserve-it's in a salvage yard in hayward. the tough part is just finding a good time to go in and look at it before i actually purchase it since they're only open during normal business hours. but tracy already said that she or her brother can probably put it on for me.. so it's only a matter of getting the right part. i even had one of my bank customers look at it, and he said that a bumper cover would prolly do it.

hoping.. hoping...

omigoodness.
i just can't believe people sometimes! i was driving back from redwood city-stop and go traffic on 880, right? anyway.. this.. GRRR.. GUY rear ends my car and drives off! so here i am, stuck with a $1000 deductible and a big crack in my rear bumper.

okay.. now i know that what comes around goes around so it's gonna come back to him in one form or another. BUT.. why does it hafta be my car??? right now i'm just wishing that people out there could just be accountable for their actions.. just take responsibility and don't dodge it.

...

anyway.. at least i have a noticable marker on my car so i won't lose it in the parking lot from now on.

check this out:
it's the view outside my window while i'm in redwood city.

got it!
during the division meeting this afternoon, i got the more hours! susan gave pat and me the ok so prospects look good. on the other hand, the city budget's kinda iffy right now so i don't know if they can make me full-time. i'm hoping, because after all those medical bills that i've been paying, i really would love to have benefits. also.. higher pay wouldn't hurt.. but that's another story.

oh.. and guess what i did today? i left the lights on my car on.. AGAIN. thankfully this time i didn't see anyone i worked with for the little time that i was stranded.. agh.. it'd be too embarrassing.. especially with this being the THIRD time around. i found a random stranger to jump start with yet again.. you know one nice thing about redwood city is that it's full of nice people who'll let me jump start with their cars... hey! but i AM learning. i didn't lock myself out of the car this time. thank god.

today was the last day for the semester for aiwa too. i'm gonna continue doing it into the next year too. i like working with the women-it's hard.. but it's good for me, because i'm just so shy by nature and this sorta thing pulls me out of my shell.

guess what?
i asked! and pat seems receptive. so.. i guess from here on out, we'll see what happens. but i'm hoping for the best.

keep your fingers crossed for me.

things that i'd like to learn which would be awesome:
1) skateboard. i've been meaning to learn for the longest time.. i even have a board. i just need a boarding buddy.

2) play the guitar.

3) drive stick. just for the heck of it. also if i'm ever called up to drive stick for an emergency, i'll be ready.

yesterday i went shopping.
i went to walgreens, safeway, and long's. i spent over four hours and guess what i bought? over 50 bucks worth of christmas presents and three cards that i don't yet have the occasion to use.

aish.. someone please keep me away from drugstores and supermarkets.

via www.danheller.com

lately, i've just been wanting to go on a drive.
it doesn't really matter where the destination is.. you know sometimes you just hafta enjoy the ride 'cause getting there's most of the fun anyway. but yeah.. i haven't been able to.. for lack of time and driving companions.

...

eep.. i guess it's a sign that i'm getting old. *sigh*.. yeah, something like that.

i'm veering from my initial resolve.
remember how i was saying before that i've decided upon something with some certainty and that i'm just gonna go and do it? well.. umm.. just kidding.

the "something" that i've been thinking about is nursing. one thing that just really draws me in is that i have this huge desire to just help people and this seems to be the most basic, most rudimentary way i can do it. but then, i'm scared.. really scared of veering off the course that i've been aiming myself towards after all this time. also, although i like the idea of nursing, who's to say i'll like the real thing any more than what i'm doing already at redwood city?

so.. i guess it's a big "we'll see" for me again. hopefully i'll start volunteering at a local hospital soon. i've already called to express interest so i guess i'll just see where this all leads me.. no worries.

in other news, i got a traffic ticket for running a red light. yay me! and just in time for the holiday season. it's putting a pinch on my budget, because now every time i spend money i feel guilty since i know i'll eventually have to pay for that ticket. grrr... oh well. i actually tried to go to court today during my lunch break.. omigosh .. the line was AT LEAST 50 people long!! i asked the people at the front of the line how long they had been waiting.. and they had been waiting for THREE HOURS.. shoot, having to wait in line that long is enough punishment!

aiya... fun stuff going on. lovely, just lovely.

i have found my achilles heel.
and it's furry and cute. as i found out last night, i'm severely allergic to BUNNIES. nessie adopted a bunny on sunday, so i went over to her place to visit-soon after, i started getting sniffly and my eyes started itching so i decided it was time to stay away from the bunny. then, my eyes started puffing up and my lips started to swell.. not a pretty sight.

nessie and her dad ended up driving me home, since they didn't think i was okay to drive back. when i got home, the first thing matthew said was, "wow amy, that's interesting. let me see." i was hoping that the puffiness would go away after a good night's sleep-and thankfully my lips aren't swollen anymore. but my eyes are still puffy and i look like i've been crying all night.

ugh. i don't care how cute they are, from now on i'm steering clear of bunnies.

hey jo, remember these? =D

i realize something about myself.
i have this really, really big tendancy to do things in a very half-assed manner. i'm horrible at being decisive-simply cannot do it. but i think if i want to be happy.. really happy.. i need to start making some decisions once and for all. making half-assed decisions only makes me second guess things all of the time.

...

i do a lot of that-second guessing.

i don't know what i should do with myself and i have a decision to make. there's no way i can be guaranteed happiness but then, i have this feeling that if i don't at least try for it, i'll always wonder what would've happened. and you know it's those "what if's" that always kill me.

hum. i think things may be moving quickly soon.
i was talking to joanna and nessie about career choices last night and i feel pretty certain this time about what direction i should be headed. i'm a little scared-my interests seem to change a lot and i don't want this one to just be the new flavor of the week. also, this seems to be a complete u-turn from the direction that i've been headed for the past five years or so. but i've been thinking about it for the past month, and the more i think about it, the more viable it becomes.

but i'm probably going back to school soon. i want to finish up my education and finish it up quick, i've already wasted a lot of time...

i don't want to write what i'm thinking about for now-it'd be kind of embarassing for me to say that i'm certain and then not have it come to pass, right?

i'll write more when things are more certain.. i promise.

aiya.. wuss.
remember how i said that i was thinking of asking pat for more hours?

...

it hasn't happened yet. last week, pat was out sick the entire time, so i missed my opportunity. this week i don't know.. i just couldn't find the perfect moment. i.. i really want to ask, but i'm such a wuss when it comes to things like this... pat says that she has another project lined up for me, apparently there's some litigation going on and she needs help sorting through and copying documents.. she says that she might need to bring in some extra help, but maybe if i just told her that i want more hours?? i should, i know i should.. i will, i really will this time.

today was a scary teaching day.
sung had a teacher training session at the same time as the class.. so it was me.. JUST ME.. teaching the class. it was very intimidating and scary. i was really anxious when i got the email from julie telling me that i'd be teaching the class alone.

but you know what? it was fine. and all the worry turned out to be for nothing. yes, it was a little difficult to teach the class without a korean translator, but i think it ended up okay.

no worries for next time.

today, marines all over the world are celebrating my birthday.
umm.. just kidding.

they're actually celebrating the founding of the marines corps on november 10, 1775. but hey, they could be celebrating my birthday too...

i had a horrible dream last night.
and now i'm awake. it felt so real and i'm glad it was just a dream, but now i just can't go back to sleep since i'm just thinking.

...

i hate dreams like that.

i hate waking up in the winter time.
when i wake up it's just so cold, i wish i could stay curled up in bed. instead i need to wake up and drag myself to the shower. lately, i've taken to wearing a blanket around the house.. i think i look kinda funny.. but at least i'm warm. the weather's ruined my running regime too.. agh.. it's so hard to stay motivated when it's cold like this.

i've been thinking of looking for a new job lately too. thinking, but not actually looking. i know, it's bad. i still have no idea what i want be.. i can see myself doing things, and doing okay.. but.. i want to be better than just okay...

hmm.. i still have a lotta things to figure out.

after all the craziness of last week..
.. it's hard to settle back into the normal work week. today (or rather, yesterday), pat called in sick and so i basically had nothing to do the entire time i was in city hall. six hours of doing absolutely nothing.. i ended up leaving early since it was just too much nothingness to handle. honestly, i don't like the feeling of doing absolutely nothing. especially at work.. it just bugs the hell outta me. also, pat calling in sick put and stop to my plan of asking about more hours today (yesterday).. dammit.. i really, really hope she's there tomorrow (today) since i want to ask while the groundbreaking ceremony is still fresh in everyone's minds.

i'll just see how tomorrow (today) goes.

dang, and you know another thing i don't like? when yesterday still feels like today.

....

okay sorry, that doesn't make much sense. probably past my bedtime. good night.

rainy season.
i was driving back from davis the other night, and the rain was pouring down so hard that i could hardly see out of the window. it's kinda crazy that the weather's changed so drastically. just last week i was wearing a sleeveless shirt and complaining about getting a sunburn. funny.

oh! suzanne remembered my birthday, and mailed me a package all the way from japan. and despite several handwritten warnings on the package telling me not to open it until my birthday.. well, people who know me know that you should NEVER give me a package beforehand if you actually don't want me to open it...

...

so.. hum.. it's open and guess what she gave me? the BEST candy in the world and hairties.. yay! what can i say, i'm very easy to please.

i think i just screwed up my sleeping schedule.
i went to sleep at 8 last night since i was exhausted.. and look at me now, i'm up at 2 in the morning. great. it's funny how i'm now kinda wired to sleep 6 hours.. work does that to you.

check this image out.. it's pretty neat:

here's some press from the groundbreaking.
it's kinda funny having an insider's perspective on this project. it reminds me to always take the media with a grain of salt. anyway, check it out.. the fruits of my labor:

San Francisco Examiner

San Mateo County Times

you know, it sounds horrible.. but i really like the feeling of empowerment that i got from planning this whole thing. it's nice to see this thing get off of the ground and know that you were a big part of making it happen.

heh.. power.. POWER.

...

just kidding.. maybe.

tired, tired...
after yesterday, i think i have a right to be tired this time. i ended up getting home around 8ish yesterday after finally getting my car jumpstarted with the roadside assistance people. and there were a couple of lessons learned:

1) don't wear boots when you know that you'll be walking a lot.. my feet are hurting really badly this morning.

2) don't always rely on the kindness of strangers. the random guy who initially tried to help me jumpstart my car was kinda creepy. after a while, it was like, "go away. leave me alone, i can call roadside assistance. no i don't need a ride. no i don't need a place to stay." i was so relieved when pat came out of city hall and stayed with me because he left soon after that.

3) i have really nice coworkers. almost everyone that i explained my situation to offered me a ride somewhere even though for most, it was really out of their way. blake even offered to drive me back to fremont if i needed it (even though he lives in burlingame).

4) and the most important lesson of all.. DON'T LEAVE THE LIGHTS ON!

home sweet home...
i made it back home okay. i'll post more later, but for now.. enjoy some pretty pictures:

SO! good news and bad news.
good news.. the groundbreaking ceremony went off great. the tent, chairs and food were all set up and it was awesome. i've gotten a lot of positive feedback, and the general consensus seems to be that it went off without a hitch. i'm really happy with the way everything went and i'm kinda, sorta, maybe a little proud of myself.

bad news.. following my tradition of having bad luck and just being stupid with cars (eg having my battery die and then locking myself out of my car after jumpstarting my car.. TWICE! and running out of gas parked next to a gas station).. i've killed my car battery again. in my rush to get started with the groundbreaking ceremony this morning, i forgot to turn off the lights. i tried to jumpstart it, but the engine is making this awful clicking noise which is scaring the crap outta me. i'm just hoping that i didn't kill my car once and for all after all the abuse that i've put it through.

right now i'm hanging out in city hall waiting for roadside assistance to arrive. anyway, i should go back out there.. i don't want them to get there and for me not to be there. but with my luck, they probably already came and left.

it's tomorrow.
i'm nervous about the groundbreaking ceremony. last week we had these really strong winds.. i have these horrible visions of the big white tent flapping in the wind before falling over the guests while gusts of wind blow in clouds of dust from the construction site. please no wind.. please.

i'm planning to be on site at 6:30 in the morning, since the tent is going up at 7:00 and i need to be there. there's just so many things that can go wrong, and i'm so scared that there're loose ends that still have to be tied up.

...

eek. anyway, i'm wishing, hoping and praying that everything will go on without a problem tomorrow. cross your fingers and toes for me.

*yawn*
no more daylight savings. i'm already tired most of the time because of my old lady sleeping habits (exhausted by 9:00, asleep by 10:00). so this just ends up throwing me even further off since the days seem to get dark so early. yesterday, i found myself practically falling asleep around 7ish.

a nap sounds like a good idea right now...

i can feel the seasons changing.
the days are shorter and there's been a chill in the night air. i love this time of year, the skies are clear and the air feels cleaner. although i'm anti-being-cold, i like cold weather.. does that make sense?

...

okay! maybe i should just stop rambling before i start making no sense at all.

this is so cool.
i'm stealing from pearl's site again. but.. but.. it's just so NEAT!

happy.
yesterday, i came back from volunteering and i was so stoked. it wasn't much, we just spent the entire hour and a half talking about good eating habits and health issues (told you that i'm like an old lady). but it feels really, really good because i feel like i'm slowly getting to know these women as i become more comfortable around them and vice versa. it's a little thing, but it's usually the little things that make me the happiest and yesterday was a real joy for me.

i've also been planning this groundbreaking ceremony for redwood city. i've been busy, working non-stop on making sure all the loose ends are tied up and that everything's been thought out. it's going down next week.. and i'm nervousexcited about it. i hope it goes off okay, if it does.. i'm thinking of asking pat for more hours and MAYBE a full time position??? i'm scared as hell and people out there who know me know that i'm a complete wuss, so we'll see how that works out.

grrr...

i've decided that grad school is in my imminent future.
so i'm starting to study again. the question for me now is what i want to study.. i guess that's always been the question. the thing is, it's just so difficult to distill everything that i'm interested in into one career that i'll do for the rest of my life...

THE REST OF MY LIFE.. gya, scary thought...

the honest truth is that i can see myself doing okay in a bizillion different things. but i don't want to just be OKAY.. i'm greedy and i want more than just that. i don't want to settle for something just because it works.

...


life's too short to not be happy and hopeful.

check out this link and look at this picture:



... that's one funky lookin' frog.

it's been about two months now.
i've been volunteering at aiwa, teaching english once a week to korean immigrant women. and although i'm still traumatized by my first grade teacher (mrs. binkley.. grrr) and the FROG INCIDENT, i now have so much more respect for teachers.

i still have a lot to learn about teaching. the times which are the hardest for me are after i've explained something and then ask if there are any questions. the silence that usually follows absolutely kills me. each second feels like an hour as i look over the students expectantly and they look down, avoiding eye contact.

...

eee.. it's very, very hard.

but one nice thing is that i'm really starting to enjoy getting to know the women that i'm teaching. they're all older ladies, and although there's still the language barrier i want so much to know them better. it's hard.. but i'll stick it out for now. i think i'll be okay.

oui, je parle francais.
at least a little bit. the other day, i was working at the bank and a chinese lady came up to hardip's window. she apparently spoke little or no english so her daughter was serving as a translator, but her daughter was having problems explaining.

so i go up to her and tell her that i understand chinese, and then she goes off in chinese trying to explain her problem. problem is.. i understand VERY LITTLE chinese. most of my chinese experience is limited to what my mom tells me to do (i.e. wash dishes, clean my room), so explaining banking situations is way above my level.

i tell her that i'm not following her situation, and out of frustration, she says in english, "i only speak chinese and french!"

i think she was really suprised when i replied with, "tu parles francais?" so we ended up communicating in this french-chinese-english thing. very odd, but at least i figured out a way to explain things to her. it turns out that she lived in paris for a couple of years before, and then evenutally moved to the states. i'm always fascinated when i meet chinese people from different places.. but maybe to chinese-french, i'm the oddball.

see, i knew that seven years of french would come in handy one day.

oh my.
i've been feeling like an old lady lately. i've been falling asleep around 11ish lately.. aiyo.. what a sad development. i remember the days when 1 am was still early.

which reminds me.. it's way past 11--past my bedtime. goodnite.

i'm discovering that i really, really like photography.
i think i want to take more classes.. or maybe join a photo club.. do those exist? case in point:



and



lovely.

grrrrr...
today at the bank i had the WORST customer ever come up to me. she comes up to me and instantly demands to see the branch manager who happened to be out at a meeting. keep in mind that i had no idea what her situation was and that she just walked up to me and just started going off about stop payments and checks that were being returned.

then she starts getting angry as she shows me a LIST OF DEMANDS that she wants as retribution from the bank. i try to explain to her that i'm just a teller and that i can't actually do anything to resolve this issue and if she just waited for a bit, she could speak to my manager.

she instantly jumps on this and writes it down saying, "so AMY says that the bank will not help me." omigosh.. you have no idea how bad i wanted to hit her at that point. she glared at me.. and dood.. i just glared right back.. what a.. grrrr! i tell her that that's not what i said and then i tell her that i'll take care of any teller transactions that she wanted to do.

the best part was when i called her by her name, i called her missus and then she corrected me saying, "it's DOCTOR." i just didn't say a word and did my thing.. but you know what? she can take that title and just shove it up her butt.

i don't know about what other people think about me, personally i think i'm a generally nice person.. but gawd, i NEVER want to ever help that woman again. i don't care if she closes her accounts, frankly i don't WANT her type of person walking into my bank anyway.

grrr.. just makes me mad thinking about it...

repost! (originally posted on my xanga site)
omigosh, i NEED to write this.

my mommy was doing a search on wildcats--she saw some cat-like animals in the backyard the other day and was wondering about them. anyway, i'm doing my thing at the other computer and i hear, "aiya amy how do i get out of this??"

apparently, her search for wildcats lead her wildcats of a different nature--to a PORNO SITE.. MY MOM.. PORNO...

...

she kept trying to close the windows too, and they just kept opening new windows.. with some lovely young women on them... omigosh, the look on her face.. haha.. i know it's horrible but i'm still laughing.