i had a dream about work the other night.
it's still kind of creepy to me. it was weird, all of my supervisors were there, and i was dreaming about economic development and visiting cathedral city, where one of my supervisors had worked on a redevelopment project. lately, i've been dreaming about work a lot. a while ago, i had a dream about running transactions at the bank. i was helping one customer but kept counting the money out wrong. you know how in dreams sometimes things go in slow motion? it was like that except with money counting...

all of this tells me one thing: i work way too much.

all that pomp and circumstance.
i can't believe it. this year, i'm attending commencement as an alumni. it's hard for me to think of myself of as a grad, but here i am. i guess this officially marks my one year anniversary as alumni. so i'm driving down to ucla tonight. i'm doing a very college-esque thing: i'm planning to drive through the dead of the night and arrive in los angeles in the wee hours of the morning. hey it works, and i don't have to deal with traffic this way, thank goodness. anyway, there's something calming about driving in the middle of the night when no one else is around. huh, maybe i should've been a truck driver. i'm in the wrong profession, dammit!

feeling antsy.
i'm trying to make myself go to sleep. i need to go to work tomorrow, and i'm very conscious of the fact that tomorrow morning, i need to drag myself out of the bed at 6 am, but for some reason, i just can't sleep. so here i am, typing away and hoping that this will somehow make me want to go to sleep. but i seriously doubt it. things have been halfway hectic lately. i say halfway because i don't seem to have a lot of time lately, but and the same time, i can't recall doing anything significant. so most likely i'm just spending my time doing a lot of nothing. but hey, that's nothing new for me.

part of the reason may be my jobs. i've been spending a lot of time at work but i really don't feel like i'm making much of a difference. at redwood city, i get paid to sit in front of a computer screen all day. and at the bank, i do help people but at the same time, they're not people who need my help. with each job i get, i'm refining more and more what my actual career interests are. but the problem is that even with the jobs that i've held, it's still not enough for me to actually figure out what i want since my interests are still so wide and inconsistent.

i really just need to buckle down and start job hunting again. but i'm lazy, and it's hard to make yourself look when you already have a paycheck coming in...